


hanging by a moment

by JujuRotfuchs



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff, Canon Compliant, Domestic Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sexual Tension, and a little smut, happy end, otayuri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 07:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13289778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JujuRotfuchs/pseuds/JujuRotfuchs
Summary: Best friends have no secrets. Best friends know everything about each other. So how come, when two best friends fall crazy in love, that everyone around them notices. Everyone but them?





	hanging by a moment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [softieghost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/softieghost/gifts).



> This is my secret Santa gift for softieghost. Better later than never, right? I hope you will like this, love. I probably went a little overboard with how long this got but I just couldn't write you a short story, I really tried. I hope you don't mind. Happy late Christmas <3

 

 _I'm falling even more in love with you_  
_Letting go of all I've held onto_  
_I'm standing here until you make me move_  
_I'm hanging by a moment here with you_

**..........**

 

It was impossible to hear the ticking of the clock from where it hung high on the wall opposite of the rink and even if it was, Yuri still wouldn’t be able to notice it due to his own harsh panting, the scraping sounds of his blades against the ice and his hot blood rushing through his ears.  
And yet, he felt like the ticking of the clock was beginning to synchronize with the beating of his heart as anticipation unwantedly spread through him, making him restless and unfocused.

That feeling, as unappreciated as it was, told him it was going to be time for his break soon but instead of relief, it filled him with frustration. He could feel his own concentration begin to slip the longer he thought about his growing anger, or more like, unease. It was a feeling too confusing to label, really.

Yuri tried to gain back his focus; losing all his concentration now was the last thing he needed while being on the ice. Countless nasty bruises and painful contusions that made him wince with every step and took weeks to completely heal again, taught him better than not to pay full attention to the ice beneath his blades.

Trying to ignore his unwelcome inner countdown, Yuri threw himself back into his training, taking his frustration out on his body as he urged himself to work harder for the few more moments he knew he had. He gained more speed, flexed his muscles and jumped.

The nagging call came as expected, reached his ear mid-air. „Yurio! I told you to go through your step sequence and only your step sequence! Listen to your coach, would you!“

Yuri’s blades hit the ice. He over-rotated and it made him curse under his breath. As if Victor had ever listened to his coaches!

Without glancing towards the rink walls, Yuri skated a loop to get back into the starting position for his step sequence. He could feel the exhaustion in his legs stronger now than he had before he jumped but he surely wouldn’t admit that to Victor. He got lectured enough as it was.

And he knows that he’s the one that asked for this in the first place, knows that hundreds of skaters would bleed out on the ice for a chance to get trained by Nikiforov himself. He knows that he won’t find a better coach outside of this rink but that doesn’t mean that he still didn’t have trouble _adjusting._

He was grumpily going through his step sequence once more when a cooing noise echoed over the ice, making it feel sticky sweet and suffocating like someone spilled too much thick syrup in a hot room. Yuri’s inner clock stopped ticking; this was the cue it had been waiting for.

„Yuuuuri.“ Victor sang somewhere behind him, but Yuri didn’t need to turn, already knowing he wasn’t the one being spoken to.

Instead, he skated over to his phone to check the time. _Yeah, punctual like always_. It’s break time, meaning that his turn on the ice was over for today. Technically, Katsuki was too early since he won’t go on the ice until the break is over but, unsurprisingly, he’s always here early these days to spend more time with Victor. And recently, Yuuri arrived at the rink the same time as…

„Otabek! How are you?“ There was Victor’s annoying voice again, just too loud to ignore. „I believe Yakov wanted to have a word with you. Did you get into some trouble?“ His playful laugh sounded even louder, ringing in Yuri’s ears.

Otabek’s answer, of course, wasn’t to be heard from where Yuri stood by the windows since he spoke calmly, like a normal fucking human being.  
Yuri busied himself for a few moments longer before he tucked his phone under the waistband of his tight thermal-pants and reached for his water bottle to take a few big gulps.  
While he did so, his neck started to prickle like someone was staring at it. He tried to tell himself that it was probably just some loose hair that slipped from his ponytail, tickling the sweaty skin, and did his best to ignore it. Just like he ignored the fact that his body actually _reacted_ to that stupid inner clock, making him aware of how much time was left until his break.  
He was used to completely forgetting about time altogether when he was on the ice, now he felt like Pavlov’s dog and he didn’t like it one bit. Why was this even happening? What had changed?

Victor’s voice rang out to him again, interrupting his thoughts. „Yurio! You’re done for today, get your butt off the ice.“  
Rolling his eyes before collecting his things, Yuri skated over to the rink wall where Victor handed him his skate guards. „Look Yurio, my dear Yuuri brought your loverboy along.“ Victor teasingly winked and gestured over to where Katsuki was already lacing his skates up while Otabek seemed busy talking to Yakov.

A few months ago, Otabek’s old coach had told him about his plan to retire and Beka had been forced to look for a new one. He wasn’t very fond of having to leave Almaty again but all the coaches that reached out to him weren’t able to move to Kazakhstan just for him since they had other students to train too. Meaning that Otabek would have the change his home rink once more.

Yuri had immediately perked up when he heard the news, realizing that Russia would not only be the closest option for Otabek but also the best with their advanced training program and sponsoring.  
And if it got his best friend moving to St. Petersburg, well then that was just a convenient bonus, really.

He had basically begged Yakov to take Otabek on as a student but the stubborn old man had insisted that he wasn’t getting younger either despite his obvious interest for the Kazakh’s talent and that he wouldn’t take on any new students now that Georgi retired and Victor switched to coaching. _I’m enjoying only having to watch over two students, Yuratchka. I have my hands full with you and Mila as it is, believe me. End of discussion!_

End of now _what?_ And having his best friend moving away further than he already was? No way in hell!

Yuri sulked for an entire day before the solution basically slapped him in the face in form of Victor’s unrequested criticism on his skating. Not that such thing was a rare occurrence. _Why don’t you coach me then, old man? Isn’t that what you promised before you met the Katsudon anyway?_  
Some stunned silence, careful thinking and a big discussion involving the entire Russian skating team for whatever reason later, they finally found a solution that seemed a little unconventional but stopped one small angry Russian from alternating between screaming, threatening and begging.

Yuri would switch to Victor who would coach both Yuri’s with the time he had since retiring himself and Yakov would keep his two students if the took Otabek on next to Mila. Everything sorted, everyone more or less happy.

 _This is gonna end in a disaster_ , Yakov had declared. So far it hadn’t.

The tips of Yuri’s ears turned red as he glared at Victor. „I wish _your dear Yuuri_ would bring something along that would make you shut the hell up.“ Yuri mocked in the same sing-sang voice Victor always used and brushed past him before the old man would start talking any louder.

He could hear Victor giggle behind him. „Same time tomorrow, Yurio and don’t forget to stretch.“ As if he didn’t know that, next thing he would tell him was to not skate with his guards on!

With a huff, Yuri let himself fall down on the bench beside Katsuki to finish drinking more water. „Your husband is a pain to deal with.“ He declared to his Japanese rink-mate once his bottle was empty.

Yuuri had learned to ignore things like that with calm amusement. „Hello, Yurio. How’s your program coming along?“

„The step sequence is ridiculous.“

„Ridiculously difficult?“

Yuri made a defiant agreeing noise while he glared at the ground. It was distressing how attentive the Katsudon could be when he wasn’t ogling Victor.

„I know he’s pushing you but that’s a good thing Yurio, he wouldn’t choreograph a program this difficult for you if he wasn’t sure that you could handle it eventually. You can sulk all you want but he actually just wants what’s best for you and you know that.“

Great, another lecture. Yuri let out another growl that was half agreement, half annoyance and began to quickly unlace his own skates before the old man decided that it took his husband too long to get on the ice and decided to come over here instead, to put a smooching halt to their conversation.  
Yuri slipped into his sneakers and shoved his skates into his bag quickly before that could happen.

„See you later, Katsudon.“ He called over his shoulder and headed towards Otabek who seemed to be finally done discussing things with Yakov.

„Hey, did you actually meet Katsuki at the gym again or what’s with that?“

Shortly after Otabek had started training with the Russian team, Yakov and Victor had decided to change his and Yuri’s training schedules so they wouldn’t longer share the ice in training.

 _And why is that?_ Yuri had demanded _if you’re concerned about spying out the conception than that’s just bullshit. Beka and I are best friends, I know his program already as well as my own!_ But all this complaining had gone to deaf ears until Beka was doing off-ice-sessions at the gym while Yuri was at the rink and vice versa so they only saw each other in passing while they were supposed to train.  
_This isn’t about trying to corrupt the competition, Yuratchka_ , Victor had explained tiredly, _you both just distract each other too much on the ice and on the rare occasions that you don’t, you fall into sync with each other until it looks like_ you are _pair skating._  
He hadn’t been sure why but hearing that had felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water down his neck so for once, Yuri had given up on a discussion, hence why Otabek now arrived at the rink whenever it was time for Yuri to get off the ice.

So out of all his rink mates, Otabek was probably the one Yuri saw the least, especially with Lilia’s extra dance lessons and that left a sour taste behind Yuri couldn’t quite understand.  
Why had everyone gone so out of their way to reschedule a routine that had worked?  
No one had thought to separate him and Mila on the ice, back when during one of his growth spurts he would constantly crash into her, causing heated arguments all the time.  
It was a childish thought but Yuri couldn’t help but feel like people were trying to irk him by taking his friend away from him.

The daily lunch he and Otabek now shared during their breaks to at least spend some time together, was a small comfort compared to all the hours they could’ve trained together if it weren’t for their senile coaches.

Ever since they became friends in Barcelona over two years ago, he and Otabek had struggled through different time zones, Skype calls and the ridiculous long distance that laid between St.Petersburg and Almaty to keep as close as they wanted to.  
To separate them again now that they were finally in the same city just seemed unfair and unnecessary to Yuri, who had a harder time accepting their coaches decisions then Otabek seemed to.

Otabek smiled at Yuri in greeting, his hair damp with sweat from just coming out of the gym. „Yeah we’re at the gym the same time now anyway so it would be silly to not work out together and I do like him, he’s not as much of a chatterbox as Victor is.“

What Otabek meant by that, was that Yuuri was much more fun to hang out with when there wasn’t Victor hanging off his neck, covering him with kisses every chance he got. Otabek was just too polite to say that.

Yuri snorted. „You wanna tell me that Yuuri does the same session as you do?“ Otabek was getting quite buff these days and Yuri doubted that the Katsudon would be able to press as much as he did.

There was a slight tinge of pink blooming across the bridge of Otabek’s nose as he answered sheepishly. „Well no, we work out differently but we keep each other company and talk a bit, you know?“

Did Yuri know? Neither Otabek nor Katsudon were big talkers so what the hell were they suddenly so chatty about? Yuri always thought that he was the only one Otabek liked to truly talk to but then again, people usually did talk to more than one person so that was a silly thought to begin with.

Yuri scrunched up his eyebrows. He would refuse to feel jealous over something as stupid as this! And what was he supposed to do? Accuse Yuuri of sealing his best friend and uninvite him to his next birthday party? They weren’t in kindergarten anymore.

„Glad you two are getting along so well.“ Yuri said but to his own embarrassment, it still came out a little sour.

Otabek raised one dark eyebrow to subtly let him know that he noticed but didn’t comment on it otherwise. Thank fuck.

„Can we go now?“ Yuri whined to change the topic, „I’m starving and our break won’t last forever. I’ll kill you if I have to go hungry to Lilia’s lesson.“

Otabek chuckled while they headed towards the doors. „Didn’t she once said that you looked chubby after you stuffed yourself with breadsticks at lunch?“

Yuri’s face became hot, his vision a little red. „I’d like to squeeze you into a tiny leotard! If you end up looking better than me in it then you’re allowed to talk but until then, would you shut up!“

It was unfair, really, for Otabek to bring that up. They had ordered healthy meals that one time at the tiny coffee shop but no one had warned them about that basket of mouthwatering, warm bread that came with it. Yuri had been completely defenseless and unprepared, hungry from practice too. It had been an accident, he swears! And maybe, maybe Lilia wouldn’t notice, he had hoped.

She did, of course, she did. But chubby? _Excuse me!_

Together Yuri and Otabek went to the rinks canteen, loading their trays full of greens that Yuri would’ve rather switched for something involving greasy doe or cheese but he knew that he had zero chances to get away with it, especially today since he had a lesson with Lilia after this.  
It literally was like the old hag could sense whenever he’d eaten something he wasn’t supposed to and her lectures about sugar and fats were made to spoil everyone's appetite (and will to live) so he decided to abstain. For now.

„You know you’d look better, right? You always do.“ Otabek said casually before shoving more salad into his mouth, looking like the world's most adorable cow with those dark eyes and those long lashes…

Wait, _what_? A cow? He must be delirious from hunger! See Lilia, that’s what happens if you keep teenagers from eating mountains of sugar and pizza. They go crazy on cold turkey until they start to hallucinate. Greasy food must be a very substantial part of growing up otherwise, this couldn’t be explained.

Quickly, before Otabek noticed his abnormal staring, Yuri shoved half a tomato square into his mouth, hoping to not look too much like a chipmunk in compassion.

„Wut?“ Yuri mumbled around his mouthful, remembering that Otabek had said something. To his horror, he felt some tomato seeds spilling from his mouth and running down his chin.

With an expression on his face that seemed to be half amusement, half concern for his mental abilities to function normally, Otabek handed him a napkin while trying to suppress laughing at him.

_Yuri Plisetsky: the pure portrayal of unequaled beauty._

„Never mind.“ Otabek grinned. „So how’s your step sequence?“

 

**..........**

 

At past competitions in foreign countries, Otabek always used to sneak out sooner or later to find himself slipping into a dimly lit club. He’s not sure what he expected, in the end they’re all the same. Some more fancy and with a stricter dress code, others sticky and run down. But no matter the country or the interior, the feeling remains the same, Otabek learned.

And a club in St.Petersburg would feel just like any club in Almaty would, if it weren’t for Yuri Plisetsky dancing in it. Nothing is the same while Yuri dances.

It’s Saturday and this wasn’t planned. What was planned was him and Yuri playing video games at one of their apartments back in the athletes dorm near the rink until their eyes burned from staring at the screen.  
But then Mila had called, saying something about a friend of her having an awful birthday, chattering too quickly into Yuri’s phone for Otabek to understand. He still wasn’t sure what him and Yuri had to do with the birthday of a girl neither of them even knew but they still somehow ended up at a buzzing club not much later.

Otabek had went clubbing with Yuri before, even snuck him into his gigs back in Almaty before he moved here. When prepared, Yuri wore shimmering outfits, did his hair and sometimes even put on some makeup.

Today Yuri had planned to do nothing but slump in front of an TV and he somehow still managed to look better than everyone else. No expensive pair of high heels, no short dress and not a single artistic makeup look could keep up with the raw passion and pure talent Yuri moved with.

No makeup, hair open and messy. A simple pair of black skinny jeans and dirty sneakers. Earlier tonight, before Mila called, Yuri had spilled some juice on his own shirt and simply borrowed one from Otabek to wear without asking. _White, Yuri? Really? That’s like daring fate to spill something again._

It was Otabek’s shirt Yuri had put a tight knot in at his side, exposing most of his flat stomach and lower ribs. When Yuri twirled around, Otabek could see sweat glistening on the naked skin of his lower back.  
He just came back from the bar but his mouth felt as dry as if he hadn’t had a sip in years. He couldn’t stop looking at Yuri.

Like an idiot he stood in the middle of the dance floor, unmoving while people constantly bumped into him.  
He watched how Yuri raised his arms, colorful spots appearing on his pale skin, his eyes were closed, a lazy smile on his lips. Yuri swayed his hips from side to side in a way that was hypnotizing, letting defined muscles move under taut, smooth skin.

Otabek held his breath when someone else’s hand slid over Yuri’s hip, settling on his stomach and pulling him back. Red nails, a familiar butterfly tattoo on the wrist. Otabek started breathing again. _Mila._  
At the touch, Yuri’s eyes had opened, first in confusion then in recognition. With an affectionate eye roll, he pulled Mila closer and spun her around. Both of them laughed when she stumbled on her heels. Yuri wrapped his arms around her so she couldn’t fall and then they started dancing together with a familiarity that made Otabek’s chest feel tight for some reason.

They weren’t grinding on each other or letting their hands wander like so many other couples in this club did. There were no heated looks between them, just tipsy laughter and joy. Usually, it made Otabek smile when his best friend showed affection, something that didn’t happen often nor unearned and was therefore very precious. This time it caused nothing but confusion.

Yuri and Mila danced in small circles and when her back was towards Otabek, Yuri looked up over her shoulder and their eyes met. Yuri smiled and stuck his tongue out at him, the strobe lights making it look like it happened in slow motion.  
As quickly as it had come, the tight feeling in Otabek’s chest disappeared again as he smiled at his best friend in return.

Yuri raised one of his hands from Mila’s back and held it out towards him like he was reaching out for him. He wiggled his fingers impatiently but kept smiling and dancing. _Come here Beka, dance with us._ It was like Otabek could actually hear Yuri’s voice in his head. 

He rolled his eyes in amusement, then pushed his way through the few other dances that separated him from his friends. Mila and Yuri smelled like a mixture of sweat, Vodka and perfume when he put one arm around Mila’s waist and his other hand securely against Yuri’s lower back.  
Yuri grinned and made space for Otabek to dance with them while Mila, drunk as she was, giggled and shrieked in joy to see him. And then arms wrapped around his shoulders and his hips and they pulled him into a dance that was just as familiar as it was exciting.

 

**..........**

 

Yuri woke up with a mouth so dry as if he’d tried swallow hands full of dust last night and his head was pounding. But he could remember getting home and so far, he hadn’t puked so this didn’t count as the worst hangover he ever had.  
He was not _home_ home, he was actually at Otabek’s apartment and his sweaty back was sticking to Otabek’s leather couch because none of them had bothered to put any kind of sheet or blanket on it last night.

A sour taste invaded Yuri’s mouth when he wondered why his best friend hadn’t let him sleep in his bed like they often did when they passed out drunk, but maybe that taste was just the first sign that he would need to puke soon. Or maybe Yuri just blacked out right here and Otabek decided to let him sleep, it didn’t even matter.

Yuri could tell that he smelled awful, his shirt had been sweat soaked while he danced and he probably dipped a few strands of hair into his drinks on accident when the world started to spin a little faster.  
With a groan, he made his way towards Otabek’s bedroom, slowly to not upset his stomach too much. Once inside ,the air was thick and warm with sleep, alcohol breath and dried sweat. Yuri quietly opened a window in hope to not wake his sleeping friend and then stole another shirt and the smallest pair of boxers Otabek owned.

Under the shower, Yuri wanted to die. The hot water drumming down on his head kicked his circulation fully into motion again and for a second he thought that he maybe underestimated his hangover and would actually have to throw up every moment now in Beka’s shower.  
But then he turned the water a little colder and his stomach settled down again so Yuri dared to reach for the shower gel to get rid of last night’s smell sticking to his skin.  
When the scent of Otabek’s shampoo filled the small cabin, Yuri suddenly had the overwhelming urge to surround himself more with the smell despite already rubbing it all over his body. He blamed his hazy thoughts on his hangover and being tired but right now, he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed next to Otabek, under his sheets and sleep for a while longer until this headache finally disappeared.

By the time he switched the water off and let his wet hair drip all over the floor, he was almost dying of thirst and sleep was momentarily forgotten. He shrugged the shirt and the boxer shorts over still moist skin and used another one of Beka’s towels to tie up his hair into a turban that barely held up.  
He put the spare toothbrush he had at his best friends place into his mouth and brushed his teeth on the way to the kitchen, leaving a messy damp bathroom and countless water droplets all over the floor behind.

Yuri spat the toothpaste into the kitchen sink and then went to raid Otabek’s fridge. Downing an entire bottle of cold water hurt his stomach but quenched that burning thirst provided by the hungover. He stole some orange juice too and then considered making a big breakfast with eggs and everything before realizing that Otabek might be too hungover to actually eat.  
So he should wait until his friend woke up to ask him about the food but now that he felt better himself, due to the shower and the water, was quite hungry and his hangover demanded something greasy and filling. He couldn’t wait for Otabek and he didn’t want to wake him in case he was feeling worse than Yuri.

The solution to his growling stomach presented itself in the form of a container full of leftover spaghetti with tomato sauce inside Otabek’s fridge. It took Yuri two seconds to decide that Otabek wouldn’t be too mad at him if eating his food would prevent his best friend from starving and so he reached for a fork.

About ten minutes later, Yuri had made himself comfortable sitting on the kitchen counter. Letting his legs dangle down, as he ate cold spaghetti with lots of salt straight from the container, smearing the sauce over his chin and licking it from his fingers. It was then that he heard a groggy voice call out for him, seconds before Otabek appeared in the doorway.

„Yuri? Have you seen my…“ Otabek’s hair was a mess and his sweatpants sat low on his sharp hips. His eyes were a little puffy and he blinked multiple times against the light shining in from the windows. „…towel?“ He finished his sentence, having spotted what he missed still sitting atop Yuri’s head. If his glare was anything to go by, he wasn’t happy about Yuri having used two of his towels.

„Morning, gorgeous.“ Yuri tried to charm his way out of Otabek’s anger. They’ve had this discussion a hundred times before: Otabek hates wet towels on the floor, Otabek hates having to use a wet towel because Yuri used his as well and Otabek hates finding long wet blonde hair all over said towel.

Otabek didn’t greet him back. „Is that my towel?“

Usually, Yuri would snap back because the answer was obvious but a grumpy, hungover Beka was a little like a bear just being rudely awoken from his hibernation. It wasn’t wise to provoke him further.

„Yeah it is.“ Yuri admitted and tried to look guilty, hoping that puppy eyes would save him.

„And are those my spaghetti?“ Otabek asked, rubbing his red eyes.

Yuri nodded sheepishly „Yes.“

„And is that perhaps yet another shirt of mine you’re wearing, now with spaghetti sauce all over it?“ Otabek groaned, looking pained.

Looking down, Yuri saw what he didn’t notice before but Otabek was right. There were orange tomato spots all over his chest. „Perhaps.“ Yuri confirmed and bit his lips to stop himself from laughing about it.

Otabek got himself a bottle of water out of the fridge and drank it while glaring at Yuri, who damage done, continued to eat the spaghetti.

„Want some?“ Yuri held up his fork and Otabek, despite looking annoyed, stepped forward and let himself be fed like a baby.

„I should kick you out, you parasite.“ Otabek mumbled through a full mouth.

„But you won’t.“ Yuri smiled at him, trying to not smear sauce all over Otabek’s chin too.

„Give me one good reason not too.“ Otabek challenged.

„I’ll give you two.“ Yuri said. „I’ll get some laundry started while you shower and I make us proper breakfast then. Do you want some eggs?“

 

**..........**

 

„Oh that’s so not fair.“ Yuri hissed while glaring at the TV screen instead of Otabek, hair messy from having run his hands through it countless times by now.

„Why? Because I’m not allowed to be better than you at a game that you choose?“ Otabek chuckled, watching how Yuri’s video game character died on screen.

The game had come out months ago but they had been to busy to play and now that the off season was almost there, they started to go through their list of games and movies they had saved to enjoy once they actually had time to do so.

„Better?“ Yuri screeched. „You stabbed me in the back like a coward! That doesn’t make you better than me at playing, that only makes you a shit friend.“

Otabek had to laugh again. „I wouldn’t have been able to do so if you’d paid better attention. You should be grateful for the lesson I was trying to teach you.“

Now that Yuri didn’t have to focus on the screen any longer, he turned around to glare at him. „We’re friends!“ He pointed out with all the betrayal he could muster. „I shouldn’t worry about you attacking me, the second I take my eyes off you.“

Otabek arched his eyebrows in a way he knew Yuri was not-so-secretly jealous of. „You insisted that we join opposing teams. You were the enemy.“ He shrugged as Yuri’s mouth fell open.

It was cute, how Yuri was so surprised at him not being on his side for once, even if it was just in a silly video game that they could start anew at every time. It made Otabek feel like he’d earned the utter trust of a wild animal that refused to leave his side.  
Thinking about Yuri like that, like he was the only one being able to handle him, made him feel shame because Yuri wasn’t dangerous or exhausting to be with, he was just someone who needed a little more patience and understanding.  
Thinking about Yuri like that, like he was the only one being able to handle him, made him feel oddly proud in a misplaced way because Yuri didn’t behave differently around Otabek than he did around anyone else, right? Yuri wasn’t adjusting himself to fit better with Otabek, no, Otabek simply saw beyond the tough persona he put up for strangers. It was not his nor Yuri’s fault that most people didn’t took the time to do the same, so why feel torn about it?

When they first became friends, Otabek felt confusingly special that the younger boy, whom he had admired for his strength and determination, had deemed him worthy enough to spend his precious free time with. Which, Otabek thought, had seemed like a unhealthy way to start a friendship on.  
Friends should be equals and for Otabek, who was used to discover his own paths instead of following the ones others had paved, it seemed weird to be in constant awe of a person that quickly became so close to him.  
He wasn’t sure what he thought when he decided to befriend Yuri, he remembered thinking that idols were meant to be admired from afar, were people to look up to from the distance and out of reach, not people who called via Skype late at night in their fluffy leopard onesies.

What should have been stiff admiration and communicating solely about figure skating and techniques, melted into genuine affection that held no awkwardness or boundaries whatsoever and a friendship where they talked about everything. Well, almost…

„Beka! Hello? Would you continue to play now? Because I can see a horde of trolls coming your way and if you’re not gonna fight them, well then I can’t because a backstabbing little bitch killed me.“ Yuri’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

„Oh.“ Otabek said dazed and pressed some buttons to run from the approaching enemies in the game.

„What are you doing?“ Yuri asked, jumping up and down on the couch next to him, pointing at the screen. „Turn around and fight them.“

Otabek furrowed his eyebrows while checking his character's health, still partly somewhere else with his thoughts. A few seconds too much for Yuri’s patience.

„Oh for fuck's sake, let me do it.“ Yuri said and reached for Otabek’s controller. Otabek turned away a little, blocking Yuri with his shoulder. „I got it, sit back down.“

„I had no chance to kill them, thanks to you.“ Yuri said and reached out again to grab his controller. Otabek nudged him away with his shoulder, grinning as Yuri fell backwards into the couch cushions with a small huff.

„Sit back down, Plisetsky. I got this.“ Otabek killed the first troll, bending his upper body forwards in concentration.

At least until Yuri started to climb onto his back like a koala, trying to grab the controller from behind. „The hell you will! Come on, Beka! Give me your controller.“

The tips of Yuri’s hair tickled Otabek’s neck and he had to laugh. „No.“ He squirmed, partly because of the tickling, partly because he tried to shrug Yuri off his back. „Get down, you’re heavy.“

„Liar.“ Yuri murmured and suddenly his lips brushed against Otabek’s ear. Accident or not, Otabek went stiff for a second and forgot to fight his friend. Yuri immediately pounced over his shoulder at the controller and would’ve crashed head first onto the floor afterwards if it wasn’t for Otabek dropping the controller and catching Yuri around the waist instead.

They awkwardly toppled into the corner of the couch in a bundle of limps and messy hair, Otabek holding Yuri and Yuri triumphantly holding the controller. „Yura!“ Otabek gasped, still shaky at the mental image of Yuri cracking his skull open that had caused him to save his friend from falling.

But Yuri only grinned at him through a curtain of messy hair before waving the controller over his head. „Got it.“ He poked his tongue out at Otabek and tried to turn in his arms to continue playing the game.

Forgetting about his shock, Otabek tried to hold onto Yuri’s arms to block his plans and when his friends somehow wiggled free and onto his lap, he started to tickle him until they were both laughing too much for Yuri to hold the controller steady.  
He leaned his head against the side of Yuri’s neck and together they watched how the horde of trolls made a bloody mess out of Otabek’s character as well.

It wasn’t until the sounds of the game stopped and the screen flashed a red _game over_ at them, that Otabek realized how they were still panting loudly from their laughter and wrestling.  
  
And suddenly he noticed too how close they were, basically wrapped around each other.  
His hands around Yuri’s waist. Yuri’s hair tickling his skin. Yuri’s smell all around him. The scent of his shampoo. The chocolate they had been eating in his breath. The warmth of Yuri’s skin. Otabek could hear him trying to get his breath back under control, could feel his heart hammering against his own chest, felt every muscle of his move against him.  
Yuri was soft, Yuri was warm. He was hard muscle under cream pink skin, smooth under Otabek’s fingers. His hair was shining. If he turned his head Otabek would be able to see the curve of his golden lashes. The faint freckles dotted over the bridge of his small nose. If he turned his head now, their faces would be impossibly close… _Yuri. Yuri. Yuri. Yuri…_

God, Yuri was _sitting_ on him, directly on his lap. One wrong move of his ass against Otabek and the situation would become horribly awkward. Otabek tried not to think about it too much, he needed his blood in his brain to think properly.

What would happen if Yuri decided to shift in his lap now? If he actually turned his head, looked at Otabek with those large eyes? Eyes that were too pretty, always had been too pretty.

Yuri Plisetsky, 15 years old back years ago in Barcelona had been angelic in a childlike way, at least as long as he kept his foul mouth shut. Little chubby cheeks despite being thin as a stick, the last remains of being too young to be seen handsome, instead of lovely. But he had those eyes back then too, pretty eyes that provoked people into doubling their morals and had journalists writing questionable articles about someone so young.

Eyes that sometimes made Otabek feel like he was standing naked before them, even if he wore a winter coat in the Russian weather. If Yuri turned his head now to look at him…

Before he even had a chance to do so, Otabek pushed Yuri off his lap and onto the couch next to him before jumping to his feet himself. He didn’t look at his friend as he huffed in surprise at being thrown around.

„Gotta piss.“ Otabek mumbled and headed towards the bathroom, excusing himself from the situation before anything could happen.

 

**..........**

 

Off season. Free time. Actual warm weather in St. Petersburg for once. The sun was so bright that there are colorful spots and swirls of pink and blue blooming behind Yuri’s closed eyelids when he turned his face up to the sun to soak the warmth up.

They’re in the park, Otabek and him. Sitting on the grass was a nice idea, so was getting ice cream and just hanging out with nothing to do, enjoying being lazy. But now Yuri was thirsty and his mouth felt stickily dry. The harmony of the situation was lost as soon as a group of loud teenagers put down their stuff not far from them as well. Yuri glared at them like he’s not the same age as them, feeling annoyed that they dared to interrupted this harmonic moment with their annoying laughter.

There was a nudge at his elbow then and Yuri interrupted his glaring to turn his head, looking at Otabek who offered him one bud of his earphones and a perfect distraction. Yuri grinned at him, answering the smile that was already curling Otabek’s lips.

This was one of their favorite things to do. Something Yuri feared to be too boring and too intimate to share with anyone else but things were different with Otabek, always had been.  
Who would even bother listening to the lyrics that made his heart jump? Who would try to remember all his favorite songs? Who would try to find his _new_ favorite song before he did? Put it on a playlist? Create a remix of it? Otabek. Otabek would. Otabek did.

Yuri put the bud inside his ear, closed his eyes again. Now the colorful spots were dancing to the music in his head. The song Otabek choose and Yuri’s mind wandered, creating a performance, a story fitting this song. This moment. A dance of colors and feelings.

Nothing about this was boring, sharing music with Otabek, showing him his newest discoveries. Everything about this was intimate. Especially with the way Otabek understood, _felt_ , music.  
  
Yuri was used to laying everything bare when he skated because his routines were supposed to show his thoughts and emotions without having to speak out loud.  
This was similar. The right song made Yuri feel like he stripped naked and wrote everything on his pale skin for Otabek to read. It was as terrifying as it was exciting. Trusting Otabek like this, with this simple thing that meant so much to them, was comforting like the warm hug of a thick blanket on a cold day. It was also a little scary because what if one day, Otabek will figure Yuri’s feelings out this way, before Yuri has a chance to understand them himself? What if Otabek will understand the lyrics a little too well and see right through what Yuri was afraid of looking at himself?

Yuri took his own earphones in a tangle out of his pockets and grabbed his phone. Otabek already reached for the other earbud, and he should look ridiculous wearing two pairs of different headphones but this way they found the best remixes before, accidentally playing two songs at once.

„My turn.“ Yuri mumbled, squinting away from the sun turning Otabek’s eyes into liquid gold and onto his phone screen instead. He put on a rock song and turned the volume up, trying to forget all about love songs.

 

**..........**

 

„Lilia will kill you.“ Otabek said, not trying to convince Yuri otherwise but simply addressing the lecture that was absolutely about to happen.

Yuri shrugged. „She’ll yell.“

„She’ll complain for months, don’t play this down because she won’t stop bickering until she’s convinced that you’ll never do something like that ever again.“

„She bickers all the time anyway, it’s just one more thing on her list.“

„Yakov won’t like it either.“

„He’s not my coach anymore, remember? It’s none of his business.“ Yuri said, rolling his eyes.

„He still cares about you as if you were. He’s been your coach for a while, you know he can’t just stop. No matter what he says.“

„I got it, Beka. I thought you were here for support?“

„I am. I’m just filling the silence.“

Yuri huffed. „Yeah that’s what you’re known for. Otabek the chatterbox.“

Otabek grinned. „What will Yuuri say?“

„He’ll ask with wide eyes if it hurt and then flinch regardless of the answer.“

„And Victor?“

„He’ll probably get me something tacky to wear them for my next birthday. Have I told you about the time Yakov had to convince him not to get a peacock tattooed all over his back? I told him to just get a tattoo of a real cock instead but-„  
  
Before he could finish, a young woman wearing more tattoos than clothes stepped into the waiting room of the tattoo parlor where Otabek and Yuri were sitting on plush armchairs, gesturing for them to follow her.

She led them into a smaller room and Yuri sat down on a cot while Otabek leaned against the wall next to it. She started telling Yuri about the procedure while tugging on a pair of disposable gloves, rummaging through some drawers afterwards. Otabek only listened with half an ear, looking at the pictures and artworks of tattoos on the walls instead.

The woman marked a small spot on Yuri’s ear with a pen, handing him a mirror so he could see what it will look like before she pierces a hole through it.

„Be careful with your hair, okay? Try not to come close to it with a brush and don’t accidentally rip it out while raking your hair up.“

„Does that happen often?“ Yuri asked, not sounding particularly scared.

„Not that often. People get their hair stuck on it and tug on it a bit which can be painful but not many actually rip it out. It’s just a warning.“

Yuri nodded. Otabek hoped that Yuri wouldn’t lose his patience, having seen in the past how rough he could act with his own hair. He didn’t want to see red bloom onto golden strands.

„Lie down please.“ The tattoo artist said next and Yuri flashed Otabek a grin before he did as she said.

„Last chance to reconsider.“ Otabek joked like Yuri was about to commit to something he couldn’t simply take out again if he didn’t end up liking it.

Yuri jokingly pulled a painful face despite the tattoo artist having not touched a single of her metal instruments yet. „Beka, if I don’t make it. Please tell Victor that he was a pain in the ass, and Potya will get all my belongings.“

Otabek laughed. „And what about me?“

„You can hold my hand while I take my last dying breath. I imagine something tragic yet classic like the scene in _the Lord of the Rings_ where Boromir dies and Aragorn clasps his hands over his bleeding chest as he does.“

The tattoo artist chuckled and reached for her needle while Otabek grabbed Yuri’s hand, grinning. „Got it.“

Otabek watched how Yuri laid still and the artist started to work with a clamp and long needle by his small ear. Otabek kinda suspected her to just stab through his flesh quickly but it took a few seconds longer than expected and it must hurt because despite not a single whimper leaving Yuri’s lips, he suddenly squeezed Otabek’s hand almost painfully.  
  
Otabek’s eyes left Yuri’s ear and searched for his own instead, finding them squeezed shut. His fingers were throbbing but Otabek still squeezed Yuri’s hand back in support. Yuri’s eyes flew open and bored into Otabek’s, focusing only on them until it was over.

It made his heart race, having Yuri look at him with undivided attention. If he was able to focus on anything else then the swirls of blue and green in his eyes, then maybe he could've started counting his long lashes but the look in Yuri’s eyes was so intense, he couldn't look away. He almost stopped breathing.

Then the tattoo artist did something that made tears spring to Yuri’s eyes at an instant and without thinking about it, Otabek reached out with his free hand to brush them from his lashes before they could drip down his face.  
Yuri still hadn’t made a sound, he just kept staring at Otabek with this endless look in his eyes that made Otabek’s stomach flutter with nerves. He wished he knew what this looks means.

„All done.“ The tattoo artist announced as she clicked the ring Yuri choose earlier into place high on his pinna. The skin around the delicate piece of jewelry was brightly red but Yuri huffed out a breath of relief and sat up.

„Are you okay? Feeling dizzy or nauseous? You can have something to drink if you want to.“ She asked but Yuri already shook his head.

„No. I’m good. It hurt more than expected but I’m fine.“

„Please stay sitting down a moment longer away, I don’t want you to pass out.“ She started cleaning things away, throwing away the used syringe.

Carefully to not touch his ear, Yuri pulled his hair up into a messy knot, then he turned to Otabek. „How does it look?“

Otabek took a few steps closer, eyes falling on Yuri’s long pale neck first before wandering up to his ear to look at the ring once more. „It looks cute.“

„Cute?“ Yuri echoed.

„Did you think you would look as badass as a person covered in piercings and tattoos right away?“ Otabek chuckled. „You’re looking like a modern elf, trying to cover up his pointy ears.“

„Fuck you Beka, I look cool.“ He said despite having not seen the result yet.

Otabek smiled. „I never said anything else.“

While the tattoo artist explained to Yuri how to properly take care of his new piercing and keep it clean, Otabek kept looking at him from the side. The ring in his ear glinted in the ceiling light and suddenly Otabek wondered if the metal would feel cold against his lips if he kissed the shell of Yuri’s ear, or if it would be warmed from Yuri’s skin.

He quickly tried to get rid of thoughts like that again but the woman kept talking about how Yuri should try to not get any body fluids on the wound for the next few weeks until it was properly healed to prevent infections and Otabek had trouble not imagining running his tongue over the delicate skin until he could taste the metal of Yuri’s new piercing.

„Are you okay?“ Yuri suddenly asked, having caught Otabek staring at him in the mirror across the cot he was still sitting on. Hopefully, his expression hadn’t given any of his thoughts away but something must’ve seen off, otherwise Yuri wouldn’t have asked.

Otabek tried not to look like he’d just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar and forced another grin on his face. „You might not be scared of Lilia’s lecture but I am, once she realizes that I haven’t stopped you from doing this.“

Yuri rolled his eyes and laughed. „I’ll tell her you dared me, no, forced me.“ Mischief was sparking in his eyes.

„I take everything back. You look like a gremlin, Plisetsky.“

 

 

**..........**

 

„Do you think we should feel bad about wasting our summer like this?“ Otabek asked, rummaging through a box of Chinese takeout with a pair of chopsticks.

„What do you mean?“ Yuri mumbled before shoving a spring roll square into his mouth.

„Shouldn’t we swim in a lake? Ball Volleyball in the park and build castles out of sand?“ Otabek answered, hading Yuri a napkin when soy sauce dripped down his chin. „Instead we sit inside all day, binge-watching TV shows and stuffing ourselves with greasy food.“

Yuri frowned at him like he just insulted his cat and it’s ancestors. „Didn’t we deserve that though? It’s not like we’ll spend all summer inside. We were in the park and had ice cream, we went to that food festival and you even dragged me to that concert of the band no one knows at that one bar last week.“

„You said you liked them.“ Otabek protested.

„I did,“ Yuri mumbled through a mouth full of thick noodles. „I’m just saying that we already did some summery things and we’re gonna do even more before the off season is over. Do you really wanna complain about sleeping in and catching up on all the movies we missed while training last season? Because if so I’ll have to find myself a new best friend.“

Otabek threw a scrunched up napkin against Yuri’s temple and ruffled his hair. „I just don’t want us to waste any time. And I don’t want you to get bored or anything.“

Yuri’s breath caught and he felt his face getting warm at Otabek’s words.

„I-I mean because I know you have the attention span of a butterfly so…“ Otabek quickly continued until Yuri glared at him again.

„We’ll I was going to say that I wouldn’t waste my time with you if you were someone to ever bore me but now I think that you can actually choke on your curry, asshole.“ Yuri hissed halfheartedly while Otabek chuckled.

Truth was that Yuri could sit on the bare floor with Otabek, staring at a white wall and he would still not get bored.  
It wouldn’t even occur to him to describe any time spend with Otabek as wasted. Not when his lips automatically stretched into a smile whenever he saw him. Not when he somehow had to laugh about all his lame jokes. Not when every day of training felt like walking over a thin tightrope and Yuri was seconds away from losing his balance, only to remember that falling wouldn’t hurt as much when Beka waited with open arms beneath, just in case. Not when days like this meant everything to Yuri.

Because this was a special day. Sleeping in, lounging around in comfy tracksuits. Closing the blinds and curing up in front of the TV with a mountain of movies and snacks. Otabek right at his side, just a glance away. If he was lucky Otabek would lean onto him at one point, using him like a pillow and then Yuri had an excuse to pretend to fall asleep at one point, curling around him like a cuddly cat.

This was home. Not because they were in Yuri’s apartment in St. Petersburg but because home was everywhere in the world, in hotel or motel or guest rooms, as long as he could make himself comfortable in front of a TV while pretending that all his attention wasn’t on the young man next to him. Home was wherever his best friend was next to him.

„Will you stop glaring if I let you choose the next movie?“ Otabek asked, pulling Yuri back from his thoughts.

Yuri hadn’t been glaring for the last few moments but looked at Otabek with an unfocused look in his eyes that told Otabek that he was somewhere else. Now he blinked and was back on the couch next to him, close enough to have their shoulders brushing.

Yuri ignored Otabek’s question. He would feel too nervous to admit to him what he’d just thought but somehow he needed him to understand he was happy spending his day like this.

„I don’t feel bored.“ Yuri repeated and ignored Otabek’s confused expression. „These are the best days.“ He said and shoved another spring roll into his mouth, hoping it would still the rummaging inside his stomach when Otabek kept looking at him from the side.

 

**..........**

 

Mila was late to their coffee date, leaving Yuri sitting in the small café on his own for 20 minutes in which he got so bored that he actually got some of his summer reading done.  
Beka would be proud although Yuri might have to find a way to bribe him into reading the rest of his assignments to him out loud, otherwise, Yuri might fall asleep on this dry literature.

Yuri was in the middle of a paragraph that was at least a site long when the door banged open and a whirlwind of shopping bags and red curls danced inside.  
Mila dropped the colorful bags by their table and smeared a kiss on Yuri’s cheek before he could duck long enough to see whether or not she was wearing lipstick.

„Hi, sorry I’m late.“ She panted and let herself fall into the chair opposite of him. She smiled a lipstick-less smile and Yuri stopped rubbing his cheek in relief.

„What is all of this for?“ Yuri asked, too curious as to what was inside her bags to pout about her being late.

„The sponsor's banquet.“ She said and quickly waved a waitress over to order two iced coffees for them. Mila was making such doe eyes at her, Yuri wouldn’t be surprised if her drink came back with a phone number on it.

„The banquet is in like a week.“ Yuri said once they were alone again. „And it’s a boring duty event full of old dudes. How many dresses do you need for that?“

„I haven’t been shopping in ages, Yuratchka. Don’t spoil this for me.“

„We went shopping about two weeks ago.“ Yuri rolled his eyes.

„To replace a pair of jeans you ripped.“ Mila gasped. „I hardly had any time to look around before you made me leave again. Anyway, do you know what you’ll be wearing to the banquet yet?“ She arched one perfect eyebrow in question.

Yuri shook his head and put his book back in his bag to make space for the drinks that were about to arrive. „No and I don’t understand why you’re so excited. This isn’t a party, it’s literally the lamest dinner of the year. We’re going to sweat our balls off.“

Mila giggled. „I can lend you one of my dresses, I’m sure you wouldn’t get sweaty balls then.“

They both laughed and received odd looks when a different waitress brought them their drinks. It took them a moment to calm down again, Mila wiping some tear-smudged mascara from the corner of her eyes.

„No but really, don’t you wanna look good for Otabek?“ She asked then and Yuri almost choked on his sweet coffee.

„Why would I? He’s seen me in various states of unwashed and wearing unflattering clothes. So there is no reason.“

„Because he fell for you regardless? You’re lucky you’re such a beauty, Yura, but it wouldn’t hurt to try a little harder. I’m sure he would appreciate that.“

Yuri blushed all the way up to the roots of his hair. Not this again. „We’re friends, baba. I’ve told you this a million times before.“

Mila shook the ice in her cup, smiling like she was in on a secret Yuri couldn’t know. „Is that why the two of you have been nowhere to be seen since the off season started? And I thought the two of you had been hiding together in bed.“

He glared at her. „There is nothing going on between us. We’re friends.“

„Are you blind? Dumb? Stop living in denial and hop on him before anyone else does it.“

The thought of having to share Otabek with someone else made his stomach burn. He didn’t want to imagine his best friend having sex with anyone.

He avoided Mila’s eyes although he would’ve liked to glare at her a little longer and played with the straw of this drink instead. „Not everyone is obsessed with sex.“

„Says the virgin.“ Mila teased but there was no malice in her voice. „Do you really wanna tell me that you have no feelings for him?“

„Of course I have feelings for him! He’s my best friend.“

Mila looked at him like he was hopeless. „What on earth are you two doing? I thought you were busy fucking each other’s brain out?“

Yuri’s lower stomach prickled at her words but he pushed any mental images away before they could take over. „He likes me for my personality, shocking I know but I don’t have to spread my legs in order to keep him interested in me.“ He didn’t want to but the last part came out sounding a bit accusing towards Mila and the many boys that had been too dumb to realize how great she actually was.

She narrowed her eyes and Yuri was trying to find words to defuse the situation but she was faster. „So if there is nothing going on between you and Otabek, you surely wouldn’t mind if I would get with him, right?“

Suddenly he didn’t feel so sorry anymore. He looked at her pretty face, at the cute freckles dotting her cheekbones and the pair of perfect boobs she carried beneath her sheer shirt.  
  
The thought of two of his best friends shutting him out just so they could pounce on each other like animals made the coffee inside his stomach churn unpleasantly and he had the ugly urge to rip all her new dresses apart just so Beka wouldn’t see her in them.

„Don’t worry, Yura, I wouldn’t actually do that to you. But I’ll have you know that you’re practically boiling over with jealousy right now. I can see that just as well as I can see the way Otabek looks at you. Maybe you two are actually dumb and blind, but you’re not just friends.“

Yuri chewed on his lip, torn between hissing at Mila again for being wrong and not wanting to argue with her since he’d actually been looking forward to hanging out with her today.  
He was aware that she’d only said those things to get him to admit his feelings for Otabek and he wanted to be angry at her for it. Especially since whatever else he might felt for Otabek, was so fragile and terrifying that Yuri didn’t dare to think about it, let alone say anything about it out loud.

So what he said next, painfully scratched it’s way up through a tight lump in his throat. „You promise? That you wouldn’t get with him?“

For a second Yuri was scared that Mila would jump up and clap her hands, pointing at Yuri while laughing _I knew it I knew it, you basically admitted it._ Although Yuri admitted nothing.

But Mila was one of his best friends for a reason and Yuri often did her wrong. She simply smiled at him in understanding and linked their pinky fingers together in a silent promise. Then she ordered new drinks and a piece of cake for them to share.

„So, do you wanna see what I brought? I can’t decide between two dresses. One of them really brings out the color of my eyes, I feel like but the other makes my boobs look at least 2 sizes bigger.“

 

**..........**

 

It was far from the first time that Mila, or anyone else for that matter, had implied to Yuri that there was more going on between him and Otabek than just friendship. Whether it was to tease Yuri, or out of simple curiosity.  
Yuri was good at brushing those things off, he didn’t even react angrily anymore, or annoyed, figuring that what people wanted most was to provoke any kind of confession out of him.

And really, what did it matter what anyone else thought beside him and Otabek?  
But since his last conversation with Mila, Yuri couldn’t help but wonder if _maybe_ Otabek was seeing things a little differently too. They had always been close but when exactly had they crossed what other people considered to be normal between two friends? Yuri hated that he felt himself growing curious as well, asking himself if Otabek would react any differently if Yuri started to imply that there was a deeper connection between them.

It seemed like a risky game, wanting to figure out how far Yuri could shift their relationship without breaking anything in the process but once he started thinking about it, it was impossible to forget again.  
He told himself that he would only do those things to prove to Mila and his other rink mates that Otabek wasn’t interested in him like that but very secretly, Yuri hoped that he wouldn’t make a complete fool out of himself in the process.

Yuri thought that it would be a bit weird if he suddenly started to hold Otabek’s hand while they were playing video games on one of their living rooms so he waited until the sponsor's banquet to test out how Otabek would react if Yuri actually hit on him.

Yuri almost asked Mila for help but then he remembered that he would rather not have her as an audience while his stomach was already queasy from nerves. He wasn’t completely inept, people always told him that he was beautiful and charming (at least until he opened his mouth) and since Otabek already knew his foul vocabulary, Yuri didn’t have to worry about that. What he did need to worry about instead, was what he was going to wear. What an irony that he’d made fun of Mila only a week ago for the same thing.

He ended up wearing a tight pair of black designer jeans, a spotless white pair of high top sneakers and a white cropped blazer over a black shirt that fit like a second skin. Thanks to YouTube and half a bottle of hairspray his hair was tied up into a bun that wasn’t messy for once and he even but on the elegant, dark designer watch Victor had given him for his last birthday and he’d never bothered to wear before.  
Lilia would probably bicker that Yuri hadn’t decided to wear a suit but looking in the mirror, Yuri thought that he’d never managed to look so elegant yet so hot at the same time. If that didn’t get him Beka’s attention and a few more sponsors at least, he would simply show up in a potato sack to the next event.

 

**.**

 

The room the banquet was held at looked exactly like Yuri pictured it. Golden lights, high ceilings and a sea of small tables set with thick tablecloths and heavy plates. The curtains by the large windows were embroidered with red and golden ornaments and smelled a little like dust and candle wax. Dull music was playing and people stood around in small groups, talking in hushed voices while sipping champagne.

In the crowd of black suits and grey hair, Mila stood out like a flower in a blanket of snow. Her eyes almost bulged out of her head when Yuri went over to her to say hello.

„My…Yuratchka,“ She purred while eying him from head to toe with her mouth open,“You should watch out for wandering hands tonight, handsome as you look.“

Yuri pulled a face. „Eww Mila, everyone he is either about 70 years old or practically Family. You’re being disgusting.“

„Aww, little brother.“ She grabbed his chin and squished his cheeks until Lilia came over to scold them into behaving.

After that Yuri tried to send some furtive glances through the room, wondering why he hadn’t spotted Otabek yet.

„Looking for someone?“ Mila asked, eyes gleaming with mischief.

Yuri glared at her and took her champagne flute from her, emptying it. „I’m watching out for wandering hands.“ He hissed jokingly.

„Have you spotted Victor’s yet?“ Mila giggled. „Because it looks like he keeps trying to shove them in the back-pockets of Yuuri’s pants.“

Yuri tried to make a disgusted face but watching Yuuri struggle to keep Victor far enough away from him to talk to some sponsors turned out to be a fun distraction to pass the time, especially since Mila shared her champagne with him.

„Otabek,“ She suddenly exclaimed, looking over Yuri’s shoulder who immediately straightened up and turned his head. „Where have you been? Dinner is about to start.“

Otabek wore a simple black suit although it was one that fit very well. Yuri was convinced that he would definitely look good wearing a potato sack.

„Stuck in traffic.“ He answered her before looking at Yuri. „Hey, Yura.“

He smiled at Yuri, his eyes lingered a little but they didn’t bulge out like Mila’s had. No blush, no stuttering, no eye-fucking. It was silly, really because that’s what Yuri had tried to tell people all along but he couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed that Otabek didn’t seem to be impressed in the slightest with his appearance.

Maybe Mila noticed because she slung an arm around Yuri’s waist and pulled him closer to her, looking at him warmly once more before turning to Otabek. „Doesn’t our Yuri look dashing today, Otabek? Everyone’s heads turned when he walked in.“

Yuri appreciated the gesture but as his cheeks grew warm, he couldn’t stop himself from thinking that he didn’t want Otabek to compliment him just because Mila backed him up into a corner.

Otabek’s eyes narrowed, then he looked from Mila to Yuri. „Of course he looks good, he always looks good.“ The words were nice but it sounded a little like _of course the winter’s cold in Russia, what did you expect?_

It was like Mila could sense Yuri’s disappointment as she tightened her grip around him in silent support. „I just think he looks _especially_ good tonight.“ She hardly managed to conceal her offended hiss, but then again maybe Yuri only noticed because he knew her so well. „Let’s go sit down, shall we? I’m about to starve.“ She added a bit gentler when Yuri looked at her warningly from the side.

 

**.**

 

Not one to easily give up, Yuri tried again all through the night to coax an unexpected reaction out of Otabek.  
He touched him more than necessary with featherlight but lingering fingers. Each look of him was deep, cast up through curled lashes. He smiled at Otabek all evening, laughed about every joke. Yuri offered him pieces of his food, brought him drinks, even danced with him a little. He complimented Otabek and told him that he was happy to have him by his side to make such events less dull. He flirted as much with him as he dared to without becoming borderline obnoxious, and while Otabek didn’t reject him once, he either didn’t seem to realize what Yuri was doing or outright ignored it.

It was so frustrating that Yuri wished something stronger than champagne would fill his glass. Drunk-him surely couldn’t be dumber than sober-him. After all, he had been sober when he decided that it would be a good idea to find out if his best friend was actually as crazy about him as everyone had said.

It was just his luck that he couldn’t actually go through with drowning his frustration in buckets of champagne because just then, Lilia decided to watch him like a hawk from across the room for the rest of the night.

 

**..........**

 

Lately, there were many things that had Otabek questioning how he felt about his best friend and whether or not it would be wise to act upon the feelings that sparked beneath his skin like an itch that was impossible to ignore.

He would like to blame it all on Yuri.  
For looking breathtaking, in sweatpants as well as in designer jeans. For that gleaming look in his eyes, the one Otabek was never sure about if it was actually there or if he simply imagined it by wishing for it so strongly. For every featherlight touch, for every time he caught a whiff of Yuri’s shampoo and longed for more. For every joke and smile, Yuri cracked, for everything flirtatious he said only to torture Otabek without meaning to. Blame it all on Yuri, watch the ground crumble beneath him regardless.

Because if there was one thing Otabek knew about Yuri, it’s that his best friend wasn’t an actor. He wore his heart on his sleeve, his thoughts on his tongue and he felt way too passionately to keep anything important to himself. He was trying harder with strangers but from Otabek, Yuri could hardly hide anything.  
If Yuri was hurt, he spat and clawed and became a hurricane of blind rage and pain.  
And if Yuri was happy, then he was a whirlwind quite the opposite, all addicting energy and bubbling laughter.

But Yuri in love … was a Yuri Otabek had only met in his dreams before. And while he could only wish that those two versions of Yuri were alike, he’d never met the real one before.

Otabek would love to believe, no, _hope_ \- that Yuri was sometimes flirting with him for other reasons than harmless joking. He was longing to take Yuri’s hand and intertwine their fingers every time their hands accidentally brushed.

 _„Beka, look! Potya scratched me right on the palm!“ Yuri said and showed the inside of his palm to him, a bright red line right in its center. „It stings so damn much and I think it will take forever to heal because I move the skin there every time I open or close my_ hand. _“ Yuri complained._

_Otabek closed his fingers gently over Yuri’s and pulled his hand closer to his face to inspect the scratch. It wasn’t even bleeding much, Otabek wasn’t sure why Yuri was making such a fuss. Potya had injured him much worse in the past with his claws while playing and Yuri had simply shrugged it off. Now Yuri was biting his lips and looking at Otabek with large eyes like he expected him to make the scratch disappear._

_Instead, Otabek wished that he could kiss it away. What would he do to lean down and kiss every single one of Yuri’s fingertips before moving his lips gently onto the sensitive skin of his palm, pressing his lips right onto the scratch until Yuri found the wound there to be burning for a different reason._

Those were the situations that had Otabek lying awake at night, thinking _there was a moment, there was something between us_ but with morning light the doubts came, and the risk was once again looking too big to take.

Yuri wasn’t one to beat around the bush. To flirt and touch and hope that Otabek would take a hint. If Yuri would’ve liked him, then he would’ve simply marched up to Otabek and demanded an explanation. He wouldn’t torture Otabek with this uncertainty, knowing how much it irritated Otabek to not being able to guess someone's intentions.

Yuri knew Otabek just as well as it was the other way around. And if he had guessed that Otabek’s thoughts about him were constantly shifting, then he wouldn’t experiment with them by testing how long it would take for Otabek to simply give into his wants.  
Maybe Otabek had, by some miracle, managed to hide his feelings from his best friend and was just slowly losing his mind now, imagining things that weren’t there.

Because in which universe, would Yuri Plisetsky wait for something he wanted to come to him, instead of chasing after it?

 

**..........**

 

If there was a shift happening in their friendship, then it was as slowly approaching as a patient predator because Yuri almost went cross-eyed looking for it and yet, it seemed difficult to spot.

Yuri hated playing games and he hated having to hide something from Beka but if this would turn out to be a massive misunderstanding and disappointment, Yuri would like to be prepared for the fall. Yakov thought him to fall with minimal damage and risk of major injuries so it only appeared logical to Yuri to prepare for the worst.

Thinking of the worst, however, turned out to be an impossible thing while looking into chocolate brown, coffee warm eyes of amusement while Otabek grinned at him for smearing sauce all over his face.

„I swear you eat like a toddler, this is why we don’t go out for meals.“ Otabek laughed and handed Yuri a tea towel to wipe his chin clean.

The idea of them going to a restaurant together, sitting in candlelight, almost made Yuri drop his wooden spoon next or maybe burn the food they were trying to cock entirely because the thought of going out together was so alluring, Yuri hardly wanted to push it away.

„Don’t worry, you’d have to be a lot nicer to me, to get me to go out with you.“ Yuri tried to laugh it off, but his voice was shaking a little.

Did Otabek hear the hope in it? And if so, would he defuse Yuri’s joke by prompting a serious offer? It was dangerous to even consider being so lucky and it was hard swallowing the disappointment when after a moment of heavy silence, Otabek jokingly nudging his shoulder.

„I only act so tough because I know you’re too good for me. Although you are worse behaving than a toddler in every sense.“

 

**..........**

 

„Whose party is this again?“ Otabek asked Yuri as they both stared up at the house that was practically vibrating with the heavy drum of music. Colorful lights were dancing behind the windows and from what Yuri assumed to be the backyard, voices and laughter could be heard.

„Roman’s. He’s celebrating his birthday, I think.“ Yuri answered and checked his phone once more from a message from Mila. No new notification, she’d only send the address earlier that day.

Otabek ripped his eyes away from the house and looked at Yuri instead with furrowed eyebrows. „Who is Roman?“

Yuri shrugged. „Mila’s current victim. Another hockey player but don’t ask me which of them. Apparently, he invited the entire rink to his party but I somehow doubt Victor and his Piggy will show up.“ Yuri said just as a girl ran out of the front door to puke onto the lawn.

„And why are we here then?“ Otabek asked. „We don’t even know the guy.“

„We’re here because Mila asked us to and we’re her friends.“

Yuratchka _, is there any better place to get your hands on the guy that you want than at a party where you barely know anyone? Come to Roman’s birthday and dance a little with Beka, it’s unbearable having to watch you two pine over each other. Kisses, Mila_

Yuri shoved his phone back into his pockets before he would angrily read the text for the hundredth time. „And we’re here because there is gonna be free booze and we’re bored teenagers who wouldn’t know what else to do with their summer.“ Yuri grinned when Otabek pulled a face.

„I could think of another few things to do instead.“

Yuri tried not to think about how suggestive that sounded but his cheeks reddened a little regardless. „Since when are you not excited about a good party, Beka?“

„Half of them are hockey players, Yura. You know how they are, they turn the smallest fight into a bloodbath. And now they’re drunk.“

Yuri rolled his eyes. „I’ll protect you from them, don’t worry. Now come and don’t be such a buzzkill, I promise we will gonna have fun.“

**.**

 

The party was chaos. Too many people, way too much alcohol and music playing so loudly that it was almost impossible to hold up a conversation. But so far they hadn’t spotted a single fight and while a few hockey players greeted them with cheers, none of them had decided to annoyingly cling to their side until Yuri lost his patience.

The house itself was so crowded that Yuri had to hold Otabek’s hand to not lose him in the sea of drunk teenagers. He told himself that he was only doing it for practical reasons but couldn’t deny that it felt nice holding on to Beka and he dreaded the moment he had to let go of him again.  
Not knowing what else to do, they had agreed to look for Mila first and then maybe get some drinks once they found her. Yuri only hoped that if they did, she was still wearing some clothes. The last thing Yuri wanted, was to walk in on her making out with someone, again.

A tug on his hand had him turning his head to look back at Otabek questionably. His skin had a blue hue in the party lights and since it was too loud to talk, he simply jerked his head to alert Yuri of something. When Yuri’s eyes followed the direction, he spotted a mob of red curls bouncing around, in what appeared to be the kitchen.  
With a nod, Yuri told Otabek that he had understood and let himself be pulled through the crowd by his best friend, following after Otabek blindly as he pushed himself between sweaty bodies.

The kitchen was a little less stuffed as people went in and out to quickly grab drinks and a glass door led right outside into the backyard, where the red tips cigarettes glowed in the darkness.

Mila, already more than a little tipsy, squealed when she spotted them and gasped excitedly when she saw them holding hands. Yuri quickly wrapped her in a hug to prevent her from yelling something stupid out loud. Unfortunately, he had to let go of Otabek’s hand for that.

„Yuri and Beka are sitting in a tree…“ She giggled into his ear, breath smelling like fruit and vodka.

„Stop it hag, we’re still just friends so don’t embarrass me.“ He hissed back and kissed her on the cheek.

She giggled again. „Dance with him Yura. Vitya fell in love too when his Yuuri danced with him.“

„Ugh, I’m gonna be sick.“ Yuri announced and pushed her away gently so she could say Hello to Otabek too. He crossed his fingers that she wouldn’t whisper something silly in his ear too while she hugged him. If she did, it didn’t show on Otabek’s face once they separated again.

„Follow me,“ she announced with bright eyes, „I want you to meet Roman and I need to get you boys some drinks. You both look like you’re dying of thirst.“ She giggled and danced away to the fridge.

**.**

 

A lazy smile, caused by the alcohol buzzing through his veins, curled at the corners of Yuri’s mouth as he closed his eyes for a moment. Even then he could make out the colorful strobes swirling over the walls and ceilings that didn’t match with the fast pace and heavy bass of the music.

Yuri wasn’t drunk but pleasantly tipsy. In this state, he was uncharacteristically nice to everyone and a happy-go-lucky ray of actual sunshine that just wanted to dance and have fun. He had left Mila in the kitchen to see how far down she could push her tongue inside Roman’s throat and dragged Otabek to the makeshift dance floor in the living room instead.  
He knew that Otabek hadn’t drunk too much either so his mood must’ve changed for the better since he’d agreed to dance without complaining at all. It usually took Otabek a lot of drinks or sweet-talking to get him to move but tonight Yuri seemed to be lucky.  
He had rolled his eyes but fondly smiled when Yuri had taken his hand to pull him between the dancing bodies and had even spun Yuri around a few times, making him giggle until Yuri accidentally twirled into a group of girls that had almost spilled their drinks.  
After that, they were a bit more careful and danced closer together, for the sake of wanting to injure anyone else of course.

Dancing with Otabek had never been awkward, not even at dull skating banquets where the music was boring and their coaches watched their every step.  
Dancing was part of what they did for a living. How many times had Yuri danced a routine to show Otabek, only because there wasn’t an ice rink at hand? And how many times had Otabek danced with him to help him out or correct his posture?  
The closer they became and the more time they spend with each other, the more often they danced. While cooking in the kitchen, hopping up and down in their car seats when one of their favorite songs came on, every time they went to a club and even that one time when Mila and Georgi convinced them to take a 2 week course for modern dance.  
It had never been awkward, their bodies fit together like two puzzle pieces and their minds were often too busy to focus on the actual touches, especially when training.

Neither was dancing with Otabek awkward now but Yuri would’ve lied if he claimed that he didn’t notice every single touch of Otabek’s skin on his own. It was like little sparks hit him wherever they came into contact, leaving an irritating prickling behind.  
Suddenly Yuri felt like he had to keep his eyes down in order to avoid looking directly into Otabek’s eyes and in the next second, he wondered why on earth he would think something like that. Looking into Otabek’s eyes was never nerve-racking, he would only see friendship and trust and mutual affection there if he looked up now. Somehow it still took Yuri longer than expected to make himself look up again though.

His heart was hammering when he did and instead of being welcomed by the look of familiarity in Otabek’s eyes, he found them to be wavering with something dark that threatened to consume Yuri as well, should he dare looking any longer.  
For a few seconds Yuri felt hypnotized but then his stomach started doing backflips and Yuri realized that he was probably gaping at his best friend like an idiot.

Without thinking about it, he quickly turned in Otabek’s arms whose hands seemed to automatically wrap around his waist to keep him from falling, and pressed himself back against Otabek’s chest.  
Just because Yuri was acting ridiculous, they wouldn’t have to stop dancing. Otabek would only notice that something was off if Yuri stormed away now so having to hide his face from him seemed like the best option. They would dance like his for a few songs so Yuri had time to calm down and regain control over his expression again, and then he would turn back around to smile at Otabek like nothing had happened.

What he hadn’t considered, however, was how good it would feel to be wrapped up in strong, tanned arms. How distracting it would be to feel Otabek’s heart pound against his own ribs.  
Yuri could smell him like he’d buried his nose against his neck, all warm leather and spicy cologne and a little sweat. His mouth went dry when he felt Otabek breathing hotly over his neck, moving the baby hairs at its base with every exhale.  
Yuri almost unconsciously leaned more of his weight back against his friend and only realized what he was doing when Otabek tightened his arms around him. Yuri’s heart continued to race like it was trying to warn Yuri that he was moving over thin ice but he just couldn’t make himself pull away.

Instead, he pressed back against Otabek until there was no space left between them and put his own trembling hands over Otabek’s, holding them in place. A surprised huff hit the back of his neck and then the song changed and with it, the rhythm and pace.  
Where Yuri had almost lazily swayed his hips before, the song now playing demanded quicker movements and Yuri, a dancer at heart and born to move like music itself, instantly rolled his hips to match the vibrations of the bass.

He shouldn’t have been able to forget about Otabek when he was all that was on his mind anyway but he still gasped when he moved his hips and pushed his ass back against Beka. For a second Yuri feared that Otabek would pull away from him but instead he started to meet his movements as their hips found a matching rhythm. Suddenly Yuri felt overwhelmingly hot and he had to concentrate to not abandon his dancing to start mindlessly rubbing his ass back against Otabek’s crotch for different reasons.

So far Otabek and he had always managed to avoid actual grinding when they had danced together and while that was maybe one of the reasons things had never been awkward between them before, Yuri couldn’t help but think what they had missed out on.  
A moment ago Yuri had feared what Otabek would think if he looked at him too fondly and now he would shamelessly let himself be dry humped, just because heat was suddenly spreading through Yuri’s lower stomach like wildfire.

Trying his hardest to not let that heat take over to the point where his jeans would become to tight, Yuri tried to focus more on the music playing instead of Otabek’s muscular body behind him. He was subtly attempting to slow the roll of his hips down again, to make it look more like he was dancing again and not like he was desperately rubbing himself against his friend, half crazy with want.

Otabek however, didn’t make things easier for Yuri. He was caging him in his arms like he never intended to ever let him go again and he hooked his chin over Yuri’s shoulder, breathing hotly against the side of his neck.  
Yuri felt overwhelmed, from the tickle of Otabek’s hair against his jaw to the growing longing he felt burning him up the more forceful Otabek was grinding against him. Closing his eyes, Yuri let his head fall back against Otabek’s chest and arched his spine, pushing back with the same force Otabek seemed unwilling to give up.

He didn’t know how many songs they danced like this but Yuri had submitted to the fire inside him and as long as he didn’t open his eyes, he could pretend that he was dreaming. Or being drunk. Or high. Or hit his head. Anything really, that wouldn’t end with them ever separating again.  
His bliss however was interrupted by someone bumping into him roughly and his eyes flew open. The drunk guy would’ve knocked him over if Otabek weren’t already securely holding him, yet he took a few steps back and pulled Yuri with him, who stumbled a little in surprise.  
When it became clear that the guy must’ve stumbled by accident and disappeared with an apologetic shrug again between the dancing crowd, Otabek loosened his grip around Yuri’s waist and took his hand instead.

Feeling a little confused and flustered at what had just happened, Yuri followed after him while trying not to mourn the moment between them that had just ended. He could feel himself blushing again the longer he thought about how shamelessly they had danced, and almost bumped into Otabek too when he stopped walking and pulled him aside in a less crowded hallway.

„Are you okay?“ Otabek asked breathlessly, concern knitting his eyebrows together.

Yuri’s heart jumped anxiously at the question. „What do you mean?“

Otabek reached forward to push a strand of hair behind Yuri’s ear before he answered and Yuri had to lean back a little against cool wood to calm down again. Beka was still so damn close and yet it wasn’t enough.

„That guy knocked pretty hard into you. Are you hurt?“ Otabek asked, tracing two fingers over Yuri’s temple like he was expecting a bruise to bloom there any second.

Yuri shook his head, wondering where his voice went. „No.“ He finally managed to rasp out. „I think your arms took most of the force, he didn’t even come close to my face.“ Then he blushed again, thinking about how closely Otabek had embraced him.

Otabek seemed to think about the same thing as he suddenly looked a little sheepish and ran a hand through his hair like he always did when he wanted to stall.

Yuri took another step back to fully lean against the wall behind him while waiting for Otabek to continue speaking.  
This moment somehow felt important and heavy, like something had to be said or done after they had danced like this. And as much as Yuri’s heart was racing and his hands were shaking, he didn’t want them to pretend like nothing had happened. If they ignored this now, maybe they would never be able to come back from pretending.

„I’m glad you’re good, I already saw myself getting you to the ER because some idiot smashed your head open on accident.“ He chuckled.

„I’m more than good.“ Yuri murmured. „I always am when you’re there.“

Otabek smiled at him then and Yuri’s heart leaped again.

He felt a shaky sight making his way up his throat and wanting to cover it up, Yuri raised his arm to either cover his mouth in a fake yawn or run his fingers through his hair, he hadn’t decided yet when the hem of his sleeve got stuck on something.  
Yuri tried to free himself the same moment Otabek said: „Yuri, stop.“ and took a step forward with furrowed eyebrows. But Yuri yanked his arm up and then down again, hitting some kind of handle with his elbow in the process. Then suddenly, his sleeve was free but the world tilted instead as the wall behind Yuri opened up.  
Yuri yelped and Otabek reached out to catch him but could only stumble after his friend through the door Yuri had accidentally opened when his elbow had pushed down on the door handle.

Yuri fell backwards even when he could feel Otabek’s hands at his back to steady him as he must’ve pulled on Otabek’s shirt to hold himself up at the same time. Together they stumbled into an unknown bedroom and only didn’t end up on the floor because Yuri, rather painfully, crashed his shoulders into a bookshelf.  
He squeezed his eyes shut, a second later he felt Otabek’s weight stumbling against his chest. He took a few deep breaths, willing the pain to fade away while Otabek gently combed Yuri’s messy hair away from his face.

„Are you okay?“ Otabek whispered, having to repeat the same question from only moments before again. „Are you hurt?“

Yuri slowly opened this eyes and carefully rolled his shoulders. The impact had hurt sharply but while his back still burned a little, Yuri didn’t suspect any major injuries. He’d fallen much worse on the ice before and he could already feel the pain fading away.

„I’m okay.“ He said and smiled shakily at Otabek who simply rolled his eyes and hugged Yuri tightly.

Yuri wrapped his arms around Otabek as well and inhaled his scent once more. He didn’t want to let go again.

„You’re so damn clumsy.“ Otabek growled into his ear. „How are you so graceful on the ice if you nearly break your neck doing absolutely nothing?“

Yuri didn’t reward him with an answer, simply pushed himself closer into his arms, wanting to lose himself in them again.

„Yuri,“ Otabek mumbled into his hair. „Yura…“

And Yuri turned his head, looked up slightly and he wasn’t sure if it was another clumsy accident or if it was that magnetic pull he felt towards Otabek, but suddenly his lips brushed over Otabek’s and then they were kissing.

Otabek’s lips were hot but soft, while his slight stubble scratched pleasantly against Yuri’s chin. Yuri kissed Otabek like he couldn’t believe it at first, little pecks that had his lips sliding against Otabek’s, then he started pressing his mouth more urgently to Otabek’s, who gripped his hands tighter around Yuri’s waist.

It took seconds for the fire he felt earlier while dancing to come back to claw at his insides. Yuri had his eyes closed but he figured if he opened them now, his vision would swim slightly. He thought so because he felt lightheaded as well, in an excited and fuzzy way. His heart was still drumming like it was planning to vibrate its way out of his chest but now that he and Otabek were pressed so close together again, he could feel Otabek’s frantic heartbeat against his own ribs as well. It made Yuri feel incredibly drunk despite having sweated most of the alcohol out on the dance floor earlier.

Somehow, he felt terrified that Otabek would pull away from him at every second now and therefore, Yuri tried to get as much of him as possible. He let his hands slide over Otabek’s neck, down to his shoulders and the strong muscles he could feel there moving beneath his shaking fingers. He pushed them back up, over the short buzz of his undercut and into his hair, which was surprisingly thick.  
And he never stopped kissing Otabek, feeling his lips tingling from the pressure and the warmth and becoming addicted to it way too quickly.

Otabek was holding him close, fingers digging into Yuri’s skin like he wanted to prevent him from slipping away. Yuri took a blind step forward, so close that he had to arch his back to not lose any touch with Otabek. And Otabek stumbled a little, a thing he never did and parted his lips. Yuri wasn’t thinking when he gently pushed his tongue into Otabek’s mouth but he wanted to groan at the heat he found there.

Otabek’s fingers flexed at Yuri’s side, then one of his hands slipped down, just to the small of Yuri’s back but dangerously close to his ass nevertheless.  
The other hand wandered up his spine, pressed gently between his shoulder blades before it disappeared into his hair.  
If Yuri’s mouth wouldn’t have been so busy exploring the tongue of his best friend, he would’ve purred at the way Otabek was running his fingers through his hair. Yuri wanted to make Otabek just as good but wasn’t sure what to do. He let his hands glide to the side of Otabek’s neck to cup his jaw while they kissed, stroking his thumb over the sharp bone there.

This time it was Otabek who took a few steps back but he made sure to bring Yuri with him, pressing his hand a bit firmer to his lower back so Yuri would follow.  
Afraid of losing contact, Yuri tried to deepen their kiss, to show Otabek how much he wanted him. Because he wanted him so much, it affected his breathing. He wanted him so much his insides had melted to hot liquid, save for the pricking beehive inside his abdomen that seemingly wanted to explode. He wanted him so much that he pressed his hips to Otabek’s to show him how affected he was by their kiss.

At the contact, Otabek groaned into his mouth, a sound that Yuri tired to lick up as the hairs on his neck stood up in excitement. Otabek’s hand slid a little lower and over Yuri’s ass before he firmly gripped a cheek and started kneading the flesh there.  
The pleasure that shot through Yuri, was as unexpected as it was welcomed and he gasped against Otabek’s lips.

Yuri’s eyes automatically flew open when Otabek pulled away a little, mainly to give him room to breathe but then their lips separated fully and now Yuri was looking at his best friend, wide-eyed, panting and painfully hard in his jeans.  
The door must’ve fallen close again as there was no light falling in from the hallway but there was a large Aquarium in the bedroom that was casting a light blue hue all over them.  
Suddenly Yuri was able to hear the music again, to feel the bass making the floor vibrate beneath his feet. All of this had disappeared when he’d kissed Beka.

Otabek, who was staring at him with eyes that burned so intensely that Yuri wouldn’t have needed any light at all to see them in the darkness. While Yuri’s heart was still threatening to jump out his chest and his stomach couldn’t decide if the knots forming inside came from excitement or worry, it was that look that made Yuri dare to place his hands on Otabek’s chest.  
He gently pushed him back and Otabek, never taking his eyes off him, walked backwards until his knees hit the edge of the bed. He held onto Yuri’s wrist as if Yuri hadn’t followed from the first step.

Yuri didn’t wait to see what Otabek would do next, he threw his arms around his neck once more and dove in for another kiss. This time Otabek immediately opened his mouth, was the first to push his tongue between Yuri’s swollen lips.  
Yuri let out a muffled sound that wasn’t quite moan nor whimper but it still encouraged Otabek enough to place his hands against the back of Yuri’s thighs and pull him back against him so their hips rubbed together  
Their kiss grew as heated as Yuri felt on the inside and he felt his thoughts and fears fading away while bliss and want overtook his brain.

Yuri’s world spun again when Otabek let himself fall back to sit on the bed and pulled Yuri with him, who rather awkwardly but eager all the same, climbed onto his lap. Their noses bumped and Yuri smeared a kiss over the corners of Otabek’s mouth while also trying to push his own hair from his face so it wouldn’t get stuck on their wet lips.  
He wasn’t done sorting his limps out when Otabek leaned forward to kiss at his neck and the feeling was so overwhelming that Yuri’s eyes fluttered shut again and he forgot what to do with his hands.

His legs were on each side of Otabek thighs, his ass firmly settled on Otabek’s clothed erection which should’ve distracted him the most but the moment Otabek licked hotly over his racing pulse, Yuri couldn’t help but moan since it felt so good.  
Otabek’s hands came to settle on his ass once more, keeping him from slipping off his lap while he left gentle bites and rough kisses over Yuri’s neck. He kissed his way up to Yuri’s jaw and then finally returned to his lips.

Yuri returned his kiss with hunger, feeling even hornier now. It was like earlier when they danced, his hips started moving on their own against Otabek’s and this time, it was Otabek who started to moan quietly. It sparked a rush in Yuri he wanted more of, so he pressed himself closer, moved his hips faster.  
He was throbbing in his own pants, feeling Otabek’s condition hot and pulsing beneath him. Their kiss became more tongue and bites as they started to push and pull at each other, panting against each other’s lips and sweaty necks.

Otabek pushed his hands beneath Yuri’s shirt first, tracing his fingers over his back. Yuri tried to mimic him, wanting to touch those heavenly abs he had tried not to stare at in the past but they were so close and it was difficult getting Otabek out his shirt while pressed together. With some of his help, Yuri eventually managed to wrestle Otabek out of his clothing and blindly dropped it to the side, before covering his pecs and shoulders in hot kisses while letting his fingers dance over his abs.  
Yuri’s own shirt became forgotten as soon as Otabek pushed his hands into the back pockets of his jeans, sparking the idea in Yuri that they should just lose their pants altogether.

He reached behind him to grab at Otabek’s wrist to pull his hand from his ass, a gesture which had Otabek pull back from their kiss and look at him with confusion in his hazy eyes.  
Yuri quickly shook his head and leaned forward to kiss him again, before placing Otabek’s hand on his zipper. Otabek hesitated for a second but then helped Yuri unbuttoning his jeans. Feeling like Otabek could do that himself, Yuri reached between them so get Otabek’s pants off as well but both of them soon realized that getting out of tight jeans wasn’t as simple as they made it look in the movies when two people were trying to get each other naked.

Grinding against Otabek a few more times, Yuri let out a frustrated whimper when he couldn’t get his hand inside his pants in this position. Otabek tried to hush him, kissing his lips and rubbing his thumbs over Yuri’s nipples.

„Wait.“ He murmured breathlessly, and laid down, pulling Yuri on top of him.

Yuri wanted to ask how this position was any better if they wanted to get naked but then Otabek’s arms tightened around him and went to roll them over.  
But this was an unknown room and both of them had been too distracted to pay attention what they were doing so they landed on the floor next to the bed with a thump in a tangle of limbs.

Yuri, uninjured by plush carpet and high on adrenaline, started to giggle. Otabek, now above him, had somehow managed not to squish Yuri in the process of falling and was now looking at him with an expression of wonder, hair falling into his face.  
That was until Yuri pushed his hand inside his pants, wrapping his fingers around his dick.  
Yuri watched how Otabek’s mouth fell open and his eyes became even hazier, his arms on which he was holding himself up over Yuri started to shake.  
Yuri, who had never done something like this before, felt himself blushing slightly as he watched lust blooming in Otabek’s eyes as they stared at each other. He figured, having a dick himself, that getting another boy off couldn’t be too hard and judging by the way Otabek started to roll his hips against his touch, Yuri couldn’t be too wrong.

Their position still wasn’t ideal and Yuri’s wrist started to hurt from being cramped into Otabek’s jeans after a few moments already but for nothing in the world would he stop now. He never wanted to forget how Otabek’s hot breath was hitting his lips because of their close proximity. How sweat was beginning to glisten on his temples, dampening his dark hair. He never wanted Otabek to look at him any differently again like he did now, with wonder and adoration, like he had forgotten that they weren’t the only people on earth.  
Then his lip twitched, his eyebrows furrowed together and with a groan Otabek closed his eyes as warmth splattered over the exposed skin of Yuri’s stomach. His shirt was still caught up under his armpits.  
Yuri held him while his best friend lowered himself on top of him, trembling slightly. He felt a bit surprised but not disgusted. He wondered if he would even be angry at Otabek if it turned out that he’d ruined one of this favorite pairs of jeans. Now he was only combing his clean hand through Otabek’s hair, feeling both of their hearts pound.

Otabek, who had laid his head on Yuri’s exposed chest, slowly turned his head then when his breathing calmed down to kiss his skin. Yuri, who had momentarily forgotten about his own needs, instantly felt the heat between his legs flare up again and he looked down to watch how Otabek licked over his nipple.  
Yuri exhaled shakily and Otabek pushed himself up again, hovering over him once more to kiss him. Yuri closed his eyes and opened his mouth, letting Otabek lick over his lips before pushing his tongue between them. This kiss was slower but heated nevertheless, the sensual drag of Otabek’s tongue against his made Yuri want to impatiently reach between his legs on his own. Had anyone ever gone crazy from being too turned on? Yuri wondered. Surely he wouldn’t be the first.

Yuri’s eyes only fluttered lazily open again when Otabek started to bite down his neck again, leaving kisses on his chest and ribs. Otabek shifted down and Yuri leaned up on his elbows to watch him leaving gentle, almost tickling kisses over his stomach. He avoided the mess he made there moments ago, kissing Yuri’s sides and hips instead.  
Yuri moaned when Otabek wiggled one hand between his thigh and the carpet to either grab Yuri’s ass or pull his jeans further down. He moaned again when Otabek’s other hand started to palm his dick through the tight fabric. He threw his head back and whined when Otabek put his head between his legs, mouthing at him while he still tried to get Yuri out of his jeans. Yuri pushed one hand into Otabek’s hair, the other he dug into the carpet like he wanted to rip it out. Maybe he’d come in his pants after all.

And then the door flew open. Light flooded in from the hallway, along with loud voices and distant laughter. A second later the light got turned on just as Yuri was tiring to sit up, still tangled up with Beka.  
In the doorway stood Mila, hand still on the light switch and obviously terrified while her boyfriend, Roman, was still kissing the side of her neck, not noticing what was going on yet.

Mila swallowed roughly. „Oh god..“ she squeaked out. „I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you’d be in here.“

That made Roman, who was obviously more than a little drunk, look up. „Hey,“ he grinned. „Sorry for interrupting guys. Cheers for not doing it on my bed though,“ He laughed.

Mila looked a little like she wanted to cry. „Shut up.“ She hissed at Roman and pushed him from the door, she sent one last apologetic look at Yuri, then she closed the door again and Yuri and Otabek were alone again.

With the lights on and what had just happened, Yuri felt soberer than he had ever been. Uncomfortably so.  
He felt shaky and a little cold suddenly, pulling his shirt down and fumbling to button up his jeans again. Otabek hadn’t managed to pull them down after all and Yuri had gone soft the moment he saw the remorseful look in Mila’s eyes.  
Funny how he’d been the one who was afraid earlier in the evening to catch her in the middle of having sex.

When Yuri finally dared to look up again, Otabek stood with his back to him, reaching for his shirt. While he was sticky and his hair a complete birds nest, Otabek looked a little rumpled at most.  
Yuri felt small, sitting on the carpet, watching his best friend get dressed in silence. Not that the house was silent, there was still music booming and laughter to be heard but the silence spreading in this room became thick quickly, and unbearable.

„Beka…“ Yuri tried and hated that his voice was wavering. Why wouldn’t Otabek look at him? Yuri had never felt embarrassed or insecure around him before but now he felt like a clumsy virgin who had messed everything up.

„Are you okay?“ Otabek finally asked, still with his back to him and Yuri wanted to scream at him for asking that. He would’ve been okay if Otabek had laughed it off with him, or taken him in his arms. Anything but that reaction would have been fine.

„I don’t know“ Yuri said bitterly, feeling like he’d been punched in the throat. He had so many other things to say but he couldn’t get them out. He wouldn’t start crying now. He wouldn’t start crying on more strangers dirty carpet while the cum of his best friend, who seemed unable to look at him, was still drying on his belly.

„I’m sorry.“ Otabek mumbled and finally turned around but kept his eyes somewhere on Yuri’s knees. „We shouldn’t have done this.“ And when Yuri made a choked noise he said: „I shouldn’t have done this. I’m sorry.“

 _What?_ Ice was spreading everywhere there where heat had been not long ago inside of Yuri. „So what?“ Yuri wanted to bark out but it was more of a whisper. „Was this a _happened in the heat of the moment_ kinda thing? Or a mistake?“ He bit the inside of his cheek to prevent his eyes from getting wet. Not now.

„No.“ Otabek said and finally looked at him. „But we were drunk and… it shouldn’t have happened, not like t-„

„ _Fuck you_.“ Yuri yelled with as much venom as he could muster and this time, his voice was loud and clear. „Fuck right off, Otabek. I can’t look at you anymore.“ Can’t look at you _right now_ , Yuri had meant to say but he was too angry and hurt to change his words now.

Otabek’s expression became stony. „We have to talk this eventually, Yura.“

„I don’t have to talk to you ever again, asshole. Now fuck off.“ Yuri yelled. Why wouldn’t this chest stop feeling too tight? It was like he couldn’t breathe.

Without another word, Otabek turned and was out of the door with a few steps. Yuri swallowed. Good. It was a good thing he left. Yuri didn’t need him to witness how he licked his wounds in shame. Because that was what Yuri felt, shame and foolishness that he thought he could seduce his best friend. It wasn’t heartbreak, it definitely wasn’t heartbreak. You’d had to be in love with someone to get your heart broken and Yuri just had a silly crush. This pride was hurt, nothing more.

Still, his vision was blurred with tears when Yuri finally stood up and smoothed his hair down. He looked around for this phone, noticing how it wasn’t in his pocket anymore. He found it in the rumpled sheets on the bed, refusing to think about the moment that had probably caused it to slip out. He wiped at his eyes and swallowed a few times painfully, then put his phone back where it belonged and left the room.

Mila was waiting in the hallway for him, obviously drunk. Her mascara was smudged like she’d been crying as she looked at him with wide, pleading eyes.

„I’m so sorry, Yuri.“ She whimpered. „I didn’t mean to ruin this for you.“

„Forget it.“ Yuri mumbled. He knew that she didn’t barge in on purpose but for now, everything felt raw and unfair and it was easier to be angry than sad.

„What can I do?“ She pleaded, reaching for his hands. „I wanna help you fix this. I wanna…“

„Didn’t you do enough?“ Yuri hissed at her, knowing that none of this was her fault. „This is your fault. You were the one convincing me that there was more between me and Beka. That he was crazy about me. Well look, he’s interested when he’s drunk and horny and there is no one else to get him off. And he doesn’t give a fuck about us once he sobered up again.“

Mila was crying now, looking smaller than Yuri had ever seen her. „That’s not true, Yuri. He cares about you. Maybe he’s embarrassed or confused but he cares about you. We can fix this.“

Yuri tried to shake her hands off. „We are not gonna fix anything. I’m gonna go home now and you two can fuck off or fuck each other for all I fucking care.“ He growled and pushed past her, needing to get out of this house as soon as possible.

Standing out alone on the dark, empty street, Yuri had somehow hoped that Otabek would still be here. Leaning against a tree, sitting on the steps, waiting for Yuri. He’d done that so many times in the past. Giving them time to cool down separately after a fight but never leaving so they could talk. Or go home together at least.

But then again, Yuri and Otabek had never been in a situation like this before. Never had a fight like this before. Yuri looked around once more, feeling nauseous and cold. Otabek was nowhere to be seen.

 

**..........**

 

Otabek was walking all the way back to his apartment, hoping that the night air would be clearing his head and soothe the painful constriction in his chest.

What had happened tonight was exactly what he’d been afraid of for so long.

Being with Yuri like that…it had been everything Otabek had wanted and he had ruined it. Because he had been too impatient. Because he’d taken advantage of him right away.  
Their first kiss should have been more special, not at a grimy party full of strangers where they were both tipsy. Otabek had wanted to talk to Yuri first or take him somewhere nice. He wanted them to go slow.

Instead, he’d snapped when they kissed and taken even more, without asking Yuri if that was what he wanted to. Without asking for any kind of consent. He had assumed. And assuming was too risky with someone as important as Yuri.

How was Yuri supposed to know how precious he was to Otabek when Otabek had pounced him on the floor of a strangers bedroom like he was nothing more than an object of lust? Why hadn’t Otabek stopped him? Stopped himself?

Because he was greedy and selfish. He wanted Yuri so much that he didn’t even think about any consequences. Yuri was his best friend, he should have treated him with more respect. He should have controlled himself. Now Yuri was mad at him, didn’t want to see him or talk to him and Otabek felt guilty enough to understand him.

Otabek hated himself for leaving Yuri alone in that house, for just leaving like he was done using and didn’t care about the aftermath. Of course, he cared, he cared so much that it was eating him up but how should Yuri believe that now?  
Otabek hadn’t told him once how he felt about him, hadn’t shown him in the slightest what he meant to him.

What he did do, however, was leaving as soon as he’d cum on his best friend, leaving the impression that that was all he’d been after. God, Yuri must be disgusted with him. Must hate him. The thought made Otabek want to puke, painful knots forming in his stomach.

Otabek had always thought that Yuri would be too good for him, now he believed that he didn’t deserve him at all too. He’d just made sure of that.

 

**..........**

 

Yuri’s feet just didn’t carry him home. Otabek lived in the same dorm than he did and even if there was just a slight chance of having to face him, Yuri didn’t want to take it.  
For a moment he considered showing up at Victor’s and ringing him and the piggy out of bed in the middle of the night just so he wouldn’t be the only one being miserable but then somehow, Yuri ended up at Mila’s place.

She wasn’t home, not that Yuri had expected that. He’d left the party before her and she would probably stay overnight there to be with Roman.  
Yuri had an extra key to her apartment but after the things he’d said to her earlier, it didn’t feel right to just let himself in to shower and borrow some clothes.  
Instead, he sat down and pulled his knees up to his chest, leaning back against her door to wait until she would come back.

Yuri mostly stared blankly ahead, sniffing every now and then. He was done crying, not that he cried much but his nose hadn’t gotten the memo yet.  
He didn’t want to think about Otabek or what had happened between them. He didn’t want to analyze how much of it was his fault, and how much of it was caused by Otabek being an unbelievable asshole. So he just hugged his knees and stared into Mila’s hallway until his eyes started to burn from being tired as well.

The sun was about to rise, the sky outside already a washed-out grey. When he finally heard the front door being unlocked with a key.  
Moments later Mila walked barefoot down the hallway, high heels held up by straps dangling from her fingers. Her dress was a little rumpled and her makeup still smudged, she looked tired and upset.  
When she spotted Yuri, she stopped dead in her tracks.

„Yuri?“ She whispered, either because she didn’t want to wake the neighbors or because she wasn’t sure how to approach him.

As he looked up at her, unexpected tears flooded his vision again. „I’m sorry about what I said. I’m a shit friend, Mila. I’m sorry.“ He whimpered, the first tear falling from his lashes.

„Oh, Yuratchka…“ She sighed, coming closer to where he still sat curled up on her doormat.

She extended her hand to help him get up from the floor but Yuri only looked at her, lip trembling. „I think I’m terribly in love with Otabek.“ He whispered and then started sobbing uncontrollably.

The pair of high heels fell to the ground before Mila dropped to her knees as well, throwing her arms around her shaking friend and pulling him close to her chest. While Yuri cried into her shoulder, she gently rocked them back and forth, trying to hold all the pieces together.

 

**.**

 

It took Mila a while to finally get Yuri inside her apartment and then under the shower since he’d come straight here after the party.  
While he was in there, most likely using all her hot water up, she picked some comfy clothes out for him to wear.

„Hungry?“ She asked him when he came out of her bathroom, looking as wet and miserable as a kitten that got rained on. „I think I have a frozen pizza in the fridge?“

He shook his head and took the clothes from her to get dressed while she quickly disappeared into the shower as well.

Later, when they sat in baby pink sweatpants on Mila’s couch, wrapped up in fuzzy blankets, Yuri finally told her everything in a hushed voice.

„He regrets what happened.“ Yuri said, sounding defeated.

„I’m sure he doesn’t. And if so then only because he’s scared it will affect our friendship.“

„It already has.“

„You can fix this. Beka is not the kind of guy to just throw a friendship away, especially not with you. And you are not the kind of guy to just give up.“

„How can we be friends now, Mila? I’m in love with him.“

„Did you only figure that out tonight?“ Mila asked softly and Yuri was thankful that she didn’t say something stupid like: _took you long enough or I told you so._

„I’m not sure.“ Yuri sniffed. „Maybe I knew it all along but only really realized it tonight? Or admitted it to myself? When he kissed me back, I thought that he felt the same but…“ He left his sentence unfinished, shrugging his shoulders.

„You have to talk to him, Yuri. The most important thing in any relationship is communication.“

„I don’t wanna look at him.“ Yuri whined. „I couldn’t stand having to bawl like a baby in front of him if he…if he doesn’t care enough about me to…“ Oh, there came the tears again.

Mila’s heart was breaking a little, seeing her fierce little tiger like this. She leaned her head on his shoulder and cuddled close. „I know you don’t believe me but I know, I _know_ that he’s in love with you too, Yura. You will see that I was right all along.“

Yuri huffed. „Will you dye your hair green if it turns out that you’re not?“

„You know what?“ Mila said, turning to look him dead in the eye, „I’m so sure of myself that I will actually do that.“

„No, you wouldn’t.“

„I would!“

„Pinkie promise?“ Yuri challenged. They took their pinky promises very serious, always had.

„Pinky promise.“ Mila agreed, linking their fingers.

Yuri smiled at her weakly. „Thank you, Mila. I’ve been horrible to you earlier, I’m really sorry.“

„Forget about it.“ Mila said and snuggled back to his side.

„Mila?“

„Hmm?“

„Don’t get involved in this, okay? I know you have his insufferable urge to fix everything but please don’t say anything to Otabek. I know that we have to talk eventually but not just yet. I wanna pull myself back together before I have to see him again, okay?“

Mila was quiet for a moment. „Okay.“ She then said.

When Yuri, cuddled close and looking utterly exhausted, finally fell asleep next to her and she was on the brink of sleep as well, she remembered that he didn’t demand a pinky promise from her to go along with his last request. She closed her eyes and wondered if they should eat Pirozhki for breakfast, then she fell asleep too.

**..........**

 

Days later, Yuri and Otabek still hadn’t talked.

Mila knew because Yuri was spending most of his time at her apartment or out with her if he wasn’t at Victor and Yuuri’s who both had no idea of what was going on. Yuri said that he didn’t want to run into Otabek at their dorm but he didn’t explain while Victor and Yuuri couldn’t know.

„Because they would hover over me and make a fuss. That’s the last thing I need right now.“ Yuri grumbled when Mila asked.

Mila was sure that Yuri was trying to suppress the whole thing by avoiding Otabek and the inevitable confrontation between them. He knew that once Yuuri and Victor would hear about this, they would too try to to get him to fix things with Otabek.

„It’s not like you to run away from a challenge.“ Mila said to Yuri, trying to provoke him into reacting.

„This is not a challenge. This is an inconvenience.“

„Beka is an inconvenience?“ Mila echoed, trying to hit a nerve.

Anything would be better than Yuri acting his numb. She didn’t want to hurt him, knowing that he was hurt enough already but acting like what happened wasn’t a big deal wouldn’t magically make everything better.

He looked away from her then and didn’t answer.

 

**..........**

 

It was a coincidence that during the off season, Yuri, Otabek, and Mila all ended up at the rink the same day. What were the odds?  
Yuri came alone to skate in peace and silence for a few hours, hoping to take his mind off things. For that reason, he, of course, hadn’t told anyone. So for a while, he skated on his own, loud music coming from his headphones drowning out any other noise his brain was trying to produce.

When he took a short break to drink something, he noticed that the water bottle he brought was already empty. Feeling annoyed, Yuri got off the ice and quickly changed his skates for sneakers. In the rinks cafeteria, there was a fridge Yuri had a key for, filled with sports drinks for Yakov’s s (and now Victor’s) students.  
Having the rink all to himself on this quiet day, Yuri didn’t hurry to get back on the ice. He was just about to round the corner and walk into the cafeteria when he heard voices. Familiar voices. He stopped walking and took his headphones out completely, wanting to hear better.

„What did you want to talk about?“ That was Otabek’s voice. Yuri held his breath.

„About Yuri. And don’t tell me you didn’t know that when I asked you to come here.“ Mila. That damn hag. What was she doing?

„Is he here?“ Otabek asked and instinctively, Yuri pressed himself closer to the wall as if Otabek would poke his head through the door and look down the hallway left and right before resuming his conversation.

„No, he’s having a session with Lilia.“ At least that was what Yuri told her.

Yuri heard chairs scraping over the floor. „Talk then.“ Otabek sounded tired.

„You need to fix things with Yuri.“ Mila demanded.

„Did he tell you what happened?“

„I kinda bursted in when it happened, remember? But yeah, Yuri came to me that night. He was a mess.“ Oh, thanks Mila.

„He was angry at me.“ Otabek mumbled.

„He was heartbroken.“ Mila shrieked. „Did you really say that you regretted getting with him?“

Otabek sighed. „I said that it shouldn’t have happened.“

„Why?“

„Because we were drunk and-„

„Were you drunk? Because Yuri said he was tipsy at most and almost sober again by the time you kissed.“

„It wasn’t just that. We should’ve talked first. We’re friends. We’re-„

„Are you looking for excuses Otabek? Because I don’t wanna hear them. My best friend was breaking down on my doormat and I wanna know how you could let that happen and what you’re plans are to make him forgive you.“

It was quiet for a moment. „You have no idea how guilty I feel. How sorry I am for taking advantage of him and then just leaving him there. Does he think I used him?“

„He thinks you don’t care about him and that you regret what happened.“

„But I do care about him. I care about him so much-„ Otabek protested only to be interrupted midway.

„Yeah? How many times did you call?“ Mila hissed. „Yuri didn’t mention you apologizing to him.“

„I was giving him space and this is not a conversation we should have on the phone. I need to speak in person to him.“

„Yeah do that and do it soon because Yuri is being miserable.“

Otabek was quiet again. „Does he hate me?“

„He’s angry and he’s hurt. But I don’t think he could ever hate you.“

„I do hate myself for treating him like that.“

„Are you really thick enough to think that Yuri only did what he did because you wanted to?“ Mila asked sharply then.

„W-What?“

„You’re sounding like an idiot when you say that you took advantage of Yuri and used him. Yeah talking to him would’ve been a good idea, asking him for consent an even better one but Yuri is not a porcelain doll. What happened, happened because Yuri wanted you too. He would’ve kicked you in the balls otherwise, no matter if you’re his friend or not.“

Otabek swallowed audibly. „Okay I understand that but the situation is still messed up now, even if he was okay with what happened. Because the way we parted wasn’t okay.“

„Would you have parted differently if you knew that Yuri wanted you too?“ Mila asked and Yuri’s heart skipped a beat.

„I…I don’t know.“ Otabek said quietly and Yuri’s heart sunk.

„Otabek!“ Mila hissed. „Why not? You’re crazy about him, aren’t you? Why don’t you finally clear things up and tell him how you feel? Especially now that you know that he wants you too! What are you waiting for?“

„I just don’t think we should be together like that.“

Yuri felt his lips starting to tremble again.

Mila seemed confused too. „Why? Are you scared of ruining your friendship? I don’t understand.“

„That’s not it, not really. I don’t think we would be good together.“

„What?“ Mila sounded like her chin had hit the tabletop only seconds before in disbelief. „I hardly met two people before who would’ve been more perfect for each other. You’re best friends. Yuri never before let someone so quickly come so close to him. When you’re around each other…it’s like other people don’t exist to you. There is a connection between you…how can you say those things? How can you feel the way you feel about him and not be with him?“ Mila sounded as desperate as Yuri felt.

„You’re right,“ Otabek said but there was something odd in his voice. „We’re all of that. Yuri is all of that to me. But we wouldn’t work out. I can be his friend but I could never match up to him.“

Mila spluttered in confusion. „What?“ She asked, sounding utterly lost.

„Yuri is too much.“ Otabek said and that was the moment he wrapped his arms around himself to prevent himself from cracking open.

„Yuri is too much. He is loud, he is bold, he is constantly looking for fights. He stands out of every crowd, he _shines_. It’s too much, it’s blinding. I skate because I like the calm of the ice, Yuri skates because the ice is sharp and dangerous. He lives for the applause and I wish there was no one watching. I DJ not only because I love the music but because this way I can control the crowd without being a part of it. Meanwhile, Yuri is dancing in the center of it with everyone looking at him. He’s too much and I’m not enough. I wouldn’t know how to deal with him.“

It didn’t sound like Otabek was about to change his mind any soon, it actually sounded like he thought long and hard about it and came to the conclusion that there was no future for him and Yuri as a couple whatsoever.

Mila sounded choked up and disappointed when she answered him. „That is utter bullshit. You’re being a coward.“

„I don’t want to hurt him.“ Otabek said. „We wouldn’t work out.“

Yuri didn’t stick around to hear the rest of their conversation, he had enough. Blind from tears, he stumbled back towards the ice to get his skates, planning to leave the rink as soon as possible. He needed to get out before he risked stumbling across Mila or Otabek. He wanted neither of them to witness his heartbreak.

 

**..........**

 

Never since Otabek moved to Russia, has Yuri bothered knocking on his door. He just always busted in, then later stole Otabek’s second key.

But a few days after his conversation with Mila, there was a knock at Otabek’s door and when he goes to open it, it’s Yuri who’s unexpectedly standing on his doormat. They haven’t seen each other since the party.

Yuri doesn’t look good. Well, he’s still beautiful, undeniably so but he looks tired. There are dark circles under his eyes, making him look even paler. Maybe it’s only Otabek’s imagination but his hair seems to miss its usual shine too.

He doesn’t look directly at Otabek but somewhere over his shoulder, the look in his eyes was hollow. „Hi Beka,“ he said, his voice lacking any kind of emotions.

Hi Beka? Otabek expected Yuri to keep ignoring him. To kick his door down and scream bloody hell and murder at him. To lash out, to throw things around maybe. Instead his terrifyingly quiet.

„Hi.“ Otabek finally managed to choke out, stepping aside in case Yuri wants to come in.

Yuri stepped inside and went to sit on his couch. Right on the edge and upright, as if he’s planning on jumping up every second again. Usually, he throws himself down in a mountain of pillows and puts his feet on the coffee table. Often without taking his shoes off first.

Seeing Yuri so stiff in his apartment where he usually danced around in ridiculous tiger print pants made Otabek feel uncomfortable and queasy.  
Putting some distance between them, another thing they never really bothered with, Otabek sat down on the other end of the couch.

„I came here to apologize.“ Yuri said quietly.

_What?_

„What?“ Otabek echoed his thoughts, unsure if he heard right.

„Yeah, I shouldn’t have yelled at you the way I did. It was a messed up situation with Mila bursting in but…I reacted like an idiot. We should’ve talked or laughed this off. Instead, I freaked out and screamed at you. I’m sorry for that.“

This was the last thing Otabek had expected. Wasn’t he the one supposed to apologize?

„I’m sorry too. I acted like an idiot too.“ Otabek said carefully, still waiting for Yuri to explode.

But Yuri played with a loose thread on his sock and simply nodded like their fight had been about where to order takeout from. „It’s okay.“ He said but Otabek felt like it really wasn’t.

„Do you want to talk about this now?“ Otabek asked.

Yuri shrugged, then finally looked up from his sock. „If you want to. But what happened, happened. Right? I just don’t want to fight over this any longer. You’re still my best friend, aren’t you, Beka?“ As he asked him, the first emotion flickered in his eyes and it looked like fear.

„Of course I’m still your best friend.“ Otabek said automatically.

What else would he say? There were just things that were undeniably true: he was a human, he needed to breathe to survive, he would always be Yuri’s best friend. No matter what.

„Okay good.“ Yuri nodded. „I was scared this…thing…would’ve maybe messed our friendship up.“

Otabek’s throat felt tight. „No. This…we’re..No, never.“

Yuri then smiled at him and it was the fakest thing Otabek had ever seen. God, why didn’t he just lash out at him? Why was he trying to hide something from Otabek? And worst of all, why was Otabek going along with this?

„Are we really okay?“ Otabek just had to ask. „Are you okay?“

„I’m okay.“ Yuri said and his eyes screamed: _can’t you see I’m trying to save this friendship?_ „Let’s forget it, okay Beka? It will be like the time I almost murdered you after ordering food because I didn’t know you were allergic to shell food. It was a big deal back then but after a while, we were able to laugh about it. It will be just like that.“

Otabek sincerely doubted his words, there was nothing funny about this.

 

**..........**

 

This time it wasn’t hard to spot the shift in their friendship. Yuri felt like dying around Otabek and Otabek seemed to be walking on eggshells whenever they were together. But they were trying.

Yuri had quickly realized, despite his broken heart, that he would end up losing Beka if he tried to force him into a relationship he clearly didn’t want. And losing Otabek would be worse than living with a broken heart, Yuri decided.

So he forced himself to go see Beka, to apologize and pretend like he didn’t want to curl up right on his couch and sob like a fool: _why don’t you love me Beka?_ _Why why why?_ Because that would’ve been degrading and pointless.  
Time would heal his wounds, Yuri had to trust in that. A broken heart wasn’t anything special after all, people experienced and lived with it every day. A broken leg, Yuri decided, would hurt much more. A broken heart he could skate with at least, maybe make a real good program out of it.

One day. For now, it felt too raw to even prod it.

Yuri tried really hard to behave normally around Otabek, so the both of them could go back to being normal with each other as soon as possible. But unfortunately, Yuri didn’t feel like dancing around Otabek apartment at the moment and if he died in a video game, he quietly watched Otabek trying to fight his way out of a crowd of enemies on his own.

 

**..........**

 

„You know, before Victor met the piggy, I thought he was slowly going insane. So when he pulled things like this back then, I understood… kinda. But now? Do we really have to go along with his crazy ideas just to make him feel better? That’s what he has a husband for.“ Yuri grumbled, watching Mila curl her hair.

„He just likes to throw parties, why are you complaining? Parties are fun.“

Oh yeah, the last one especially.

„A Birthday Party, Mila! For a dog!“

She turned around and pouted at him. „You love Makkachin?“

Yuri scrunched up his nose. „Not the point! She won’t even understand what’s going on. Give her a belly rub and play fetch with her, she’ll appreciate that much more.“

„Well, she’ll be at her party so you can give her a ball for a present and rub her belly all night. Now get dressed, that’s maybe a party for a dog but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t look nice for the birthday girl.“

 

**.**

 

When Victor and Yuuri had decided to stay in Russia after getting engaged, they had moved into a house with a cute little back garden.

Said back garden was now, due to the warm summer evening, looking like a picture of a party location straight from Pinterest. White wooden tables placed on the lush grass were standing under colorful lights and lampions and laden with fruit plates, candles and glasses filled with iced lemonade and colorful alcoholic drinks. Little balloon Makkachin’s were hanging in the trees and there was a cake for humans and a cake for dogs.

The birthday girl herself wore a bright blue ribbon around her neck and excitedly slobbered everyone’s hand in greeting.  
Yuri counted at least 5 other dogs while he was searching for a place to put his present down and was told by Yuuri, that those were Makkachin’s friends from the dog park.

Yuri changed his mind. Drinks. He needed to find himself a drink.

For a dog party, surprisingly many people came. All the dog's owners, some of Yuuri’s and Victor's friends and obviously, most of their rink mates. Including Otabek, who looked ridiculous wearing a _Happy Birthday Makka_ \- Button on his black shirt.

Yuri pretended like he hadn’t spotted him and downed his fruit punch, simply putting Makkachin’s present down on the coffee table in the living room. It was not like she could unwrap her toy and thank him afterwards. Then he went to grab himself another drink.

It wasn’t much later when someone finally put some music on and food was being served, barbecued meats along with all kinds of finger foods, vegetable skewers and various sweets. But Yuri didn’t felt particularly hungry, so he mostly munched the fruit out of his punch and skipped dinner.

If he was honest, he felt a little out of place. All around him there was laughter and cheers, puppies and colorful decorations. Everyone had fun getting stuffed or tipsy, singing karaoke or do party popper’s, shrieking and giggling when they exploded in a cloud of confetti.  
Meanwhile, Yuri felt lonely despite most of his friends being here. He rubbed Makka’s tummy for a while but then someone threw a ball through the garden and gone she was. Yuri noticed then that his cup was empty and got up to get himself another drink.

 

**.**

 

„Hey.“

Yuri sluggishly looked up as someone, Otabek, slid into the chair next to him. Until now he had watched how Mila and Georgi had played a game of _Who am I_ , they were a little tipsy and the sticky notes would stay on their forehands, resulting in fits of laughter. Watching them having fun didn’t exactly cheered him up but at least it distracted him from the hollow feeling in his chest.

„Hi.“ Yuri answered, taking another sip.

„I haven’t really seen you tonight. You’re having fun?“

Otabek probably had a hard time seeing him because Yuri had been hiding from him or started a conversation with anyone as soon as he was close but he didn’t need to know that.

„I’ve been here the entire time.“ Yuri lied, ignoring the question whether or not he was having fun.

Otabek nodded. „What are you drinking?“

„Victor’s fruit punch.“ Yuri said, holding up his cup. The last few he had were without fruit, so more of the actual drink would fit in the cup.

„Can I have some?“ Otabek asked, reaching out for Yuri’s sticky cup.

Yuri would like to tell him to get is own, mostly so Otabek would leave him alone with his sorrow but he didn’t want to cause a scene. They shared their food all the time, no big deal. He handed his cup to Otabek. „I already ate all the fruit.“ He lied.

Otabek shrugged. „I don’t mind.“ Then he took a sip and scrunched his nose up. „Wow, that’s strong for a fruit punch.“

„Victor made it.“ Yuri said casually like he hadn’t dumped another bottle of vodka in the bowl earlier when no one was looking. Everyone knew that Victor liked himself a strong drink, it only made sense to blame it on him.

Otabek handed his cup back. „How many of these did you had, Yura?“

 _Yura Yura Yura_ , Yuri wished Otabek would stop calling him like that. He wished Otabek would stop speaking altogether. And stop looking at him while he was already at it. Or just disappear until Yuri forgot about him.

„Like two.“ Yuri guessed and took another sip.

„I know I am Winnie the Pooh, you damn cheater!“ Georgi yelled from the other end of the table, ripping his sticky note off his forehead while Mila started crying with laughter.

Yuri used the distraction to get away from Otabek. „I need to pee.“ On his way to the bathroom, he fetched himself another drink.

 

**.**

 

Yuri wasn’t exactly sure how it happened, but at one point he sat down on the uncomfortable gravel of Victor’s driveway and didn’t get up again. Makkachin found him sitting there, leaning against the brick wall behind him and laid her head in his lap. Bless every animal that ever bothered with a filthy human.

Sluggishly, Yuri patted her thick fur as he slowly finished the rest of his drink. He felt too lazy to stand up again just to get another one, so this would be his last. Probably.

He wasn’t sure how much time had past but he looked up when he heard the gravel crunch beneath someone’s shoes and found Yuuri standing above him.

„Yuri?“ He asked, blinking into the darkness. „What are you doing here?“

„Patting Makkachin.“ Yuri slurred.

„All alone? Come get up the ground is cold.“

„Are you my mother? The ground is fine. Me and the ground get along fabulously.“

„Are you drunk?“ Yuuri squinted at him, then at the empty cup beside him.

„No I’m Yuri.“

Yuuri sighed.

„Okay dumb joke I know but I’m really not drunk.“

„Prove it. Get up.“ Yuuri demanded, crossing his arms.

„Can’t.“ Yuri hiccuped. „Makkachin is lying on my legs.“ He grinned, quite proud of himself.

Yuuri nodded like he hadn’t thought about that. „Makka? Come here, girl.“ He then cooed and the damn dog, that traitor, jumped up and waddled over to the piggy. „Good girl.“

Yuri tried to pull a sour expression, unsure if he was succeeding.

„Can you get up now?“ Yuuri asked like he was talking to a child.

„I can but I don’t want to.“

„Because you’re drunk.“ Yuuri sighed again.

„You are in no position to lecture me about getting too pissed. I’m surprised you’re still wearing pants by now, what happened?“

„Is that all I taught you? To drown your sorrow in alcohol? I did that once and fortunately, the consequences changed my life for the better. Still, the hangover I had the next day was bad enough to cure me of never doing that again. I thought you were smarter, Yuri.“

„I’m not drowning any sorrows.“ Yuri whispered. „Victor simply put too much Vodka in the punch.“

„Sober sad people turn into drunk sad people. Why are you here all alone?“

Yuri didn’t want to answer that question so he tried standing up, it took him a few attempts and when he finally stood, the earth was spinning a little faster than usual but he did it. „Ta-da.“ He grinned, trying to distract Yuuri.

Yuuri looked unimpressed. „Walk. In a straight line. Go on.“

Some stumbling and swaying later, Yuuri helped him sit down on the ground again. For some reason, he looked more concerned than mad now. „I’ll be right back, okay?“ Then he ordered Makkachin to wait at Yuri’s side and disappeared into the darkness.

Thank fuck, Yuri was tired of pretending like he wasn’t horribly drunk.

 

**.**

 

He must’ve dozed off for a moment but his head jerked back up when he heard voices approaching.

„Are you sure? He could stay in the guest room and Victor and I could look after him.“ That was the piggy’s voice.

„No, you two still have guests and he’ll want to be in his own bed when the hangover sets in. I’ll take care of him, don’t worry.“ Damn it, that sounded a lot like Otabek.

Yuri squinted up at their concerned faces. „Yay. The Hero of Kazakhstan, here to save the Russian fairy. Everyone take a picture.“ He slurred mockingly.

„Two drinks, hmm?“ Otabek asked sourly.

„That was like 5 hours ago. Give it a rest.“

„That was 2 hours ago, you little hellcat.“ Otabek squatted down to pick him up.

„No.“ Yuri whined, „I can walk myself.“

„Oh yeah, maybe you should try to demonstrate to Otabek just how well your last try went?“ Yuuri chirped in. „I’ll get Victor and take some photos for the family album too. Although I’ve seen babies taking steadier first steps before.“

Otabek managed to pick Yuri up and Yuri reluctantly put his arms around his neck in an attempt to stop the world from shaking so much.

„The next time you get hammered, I’ll be the biggest asshole to you piggy. Just you wait.“ Yuri hissed.

„Hopefully you’re sober enough then to fully enjoy it, dear.“ Yuuri retorted. „Happy Hangover, call if you need something.“

„Night Yuuri.“ Otabek said. „Please tell Victor what a nice party this was.“

„Night Otabek. You can obviously call too if you need help with this one.“ He pointed at Yuri sulking in Otabek’s arms. „Or with anything else, really.“

„Will do.“

 

**.**

 

A taxi was already waiting in front of Victor’s and Yuuri’s house when Otabek carried Yuri through the front yard. „Did you bring a jacket or a bag with you? I can quickly get back inside to get it.“

Yuri shook his head. „Just my phone.“

„I have it.“ Otabek said. „You left it on the table and I put it in my pocket. I should’ve known then that something was wrong, you never leave your phone behind.“

„Nothing’s wrong.“ Yuri mumbled while Otabek tried to place him on the back seat without hitting his own head on the door. The driver watched them curiously but didn’t offer to help. Yuri glared at him while Otabek tightened the seatbelt around him, careful to not pull at his hair.

Once Otabek made it inside the car too and told the driver the address, he pulled Yuri back into his arms and started combing his fingers through his hair, gathering them up.

„What are you doing?“ Yuri complained weakly, trying to grab Otabek’s wrists.

„I’m tying your hair up, hold still.“

„Why?“ Yuri whined.

„So you don’t end up with puke in it.“

„Who said that I was going to puke?“ Yuri protested.

„You wanna bet?“ Otabek challenged, finally letting go of his hair.

„You’re an asshole.“ Yuri whispered.

„I’m the one that’s going to sit by your side all night to make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit.“ Otabek said.  
Suddenly Yuri felt bad for being so ungrateful and mean to Otabek. It wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t in love with Yuri.

„I’m sorry, Beka.“ Yuri said, trying to not think about how sad he still was. „Thank you for taking care of me.“

„Always.“ Otabek smiled softly and dropped a kiss to Yuri’s temple. His drunk heart was leaping at the gentle gesture and his drunk brain told him that it would be a good idea to snuggle against Otabek’s neck to inhale his smell, so what was what Yuri did.

„I missed you, Beka.“ Yuri mumbled into his shirt, wishing he always had an excuse to stay so close to him.

„You missed me?“ Otabek questioned, sounding confused. „Tonight?“

„No.“ Yuri mumbled. „All the time, whenever you’re not with me.“

„I don’t understand, Yura. You hung out a lot with Mila recently, do you mean that?“

„No. I just miss you but being with you hurts so…“ Yuri mumbled, words suddenly coming out thick. Uh oh. He didn’t feel too well. His mouth felt uncomfortably dry and his stomach was cramping. He took his head from Otabek’s shoulder to sit up straight.

Otabek opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something else but the driver interrupted him, telling them that they reached their destination.  
Yuri briefly closed his eyes, relieved that the shaky drive was over, only to promptly rip them opened again when he felt the spinning in his head intensifying. His stomach jumped warningly.

Otabek handed the driver his money while Yuri focused on keeping the contents of his stomach down, breathing shakily through his nose.  
Deciding that the process definitely took too long, Yuri threw the car door open and somehow managed to sprint across the sidewalk where he spotted a bush that looked just right for his needs. His knees gave out just as he reached it and then he started puking his guts out while Otabek called his name somewhere behind him.

Now Yuri was glad that Otabek had tried his hair up and also that he hadn’t eaten anything all evening. What he spat out was almost pure liquid but it burned his throat like it was pure fire.  
At one point Otabek came up behind him to rub his back and handed him a tissue to wipe his mouth once it was all over.  
Still feeling drunk and miserable but less nauseous, Yuri threw the tissue away.

„Did I get anything on myself?“ Yuri sniffed, looking at his shirt.

„No.“ Otabek said and helped him up. „You even puke like a champion, Plisetsky. Too bad that’s not an Olympic sport yet.“

„You’re not funny.“ Yuri whined when Otabek picked him up again to carry him inside.

„Tell me when you feel sick again, okay?“ Otabek said and made his way towards Yuri’s apartment. Back when Yuri had stolen his second key, he’d taken his in return.

„Hmm.“ Yuri mumbled, his throat still burning too much to talk. „Thanks for putting up with me, I know I’m a lot.“ He felt tears stinging his eyes.

„Shhh.“ Otabek hushed, „Don’t be a silly kitten.“

Once inside his apartment, Otabek struggled to turn the lights on with Yuri still in his arms. Potya was sneaking around his legs, meowing unhelpfully. Maybe he could feel his owner’s distress.

„Couch or bed?“ Otabek asked Yuri, shooing the cat away so he could close the door without trapping his tail.

„Bathroom.“ Yuri mumbled. „Wanna brush my teeth.“ He was maybe a drunk, pathetic mess but he still didn’t want his breath to smell bad in the presence of Otabek. He didn’t care if that made him vain.

After Otabek carefully sat Yuri down on the closed toilet seat and handed him his toothbrush, he stayed in the doorway to watch. Probably to make sure that Yuri didn’t choke on toothpaste or cracked his head open trying to stand up.  
Yuri himself avoided looking at him, still a little embarrassed from throwing up in front of him and brushed his teeth longer than necessary. His eyes were burning too and he doubted that only come from the sudden, bright bathroom lights. No tears, no tears.  
When he stood up to wash his face after spitting the toothpaste out, hoping to rub any approaching tears from his eyes, Otabek was behind him in a heartbeat to catch him should he lose his balance.

„You wanna watch me pee too?“ Yuri asked, hoping that Otabek would leave him alone for a moment so he could pull himself back together. That and he really didn’t want to pee in front of him.

„I don’t but I also don’t want to spend the night in the hospital with you.“

„Get out.“ Yuri growled. „If I die you can tell everyone it was my own fault.“ He weakly shoved at Otabek’s chest until he left the room.

Finally alone, Yuri took a few shaky breaths. He could remember desperately wanting to get rid of Otabek earlier in that night because looking at him made him sad. But now he just wanted to throw himself into his arms. Which probably wasn’t a good idea because looking at him not only made him sad now, it made him want to ask all the wrong questions.

As soon as Yuri flushed the toilet, there was a knock on the door. „Can I come back in?“

Washing is hands, Yuri avoided looking at Otabek and tried not to flinch when Otabek put his hands on his hips again. He had to remind himself that Otabek wasn’t doing those things to be gentle, he only did it because he thought Yuri lost his ability to walk himself.

„You want to glue us together at the hips too? I’ll have to warn you there, you won’t fit into my jeans.“ Yuri remarked in a weak attempt to defuse the situation by joking. Judging by the way his heart was still racing, it wasn’t working.

„I’m sure we’ll find a pair of tiger pants big enough for both of us.“ Otabek smiled and picked Yuri back up before he could try to walk himself. „Now couch or bed?“

„Shouldn’t you invite me to dinner first?“ Yuri wasn’t sure why he said that, it just slipped out.

Otabek’s jaw tightened but he ignored him otherwise as he carried him towards his room. Inside, he carefully set Yuri down on his bed and turned the bedside lamp on.

„Stay here. I’ll get you some water and feed Potya.“

„Thanks.“ Yuri mumbled, feeling guilty for forgetting about his cat.

When Otabek came back, he took Yuri’s shoes off and forced him to drink an entire glass of water. He only succeeded because he was sweet-talking and because Yuri was weak. So weak for him.

On his bedside table there was waiting another bottle for him along with some painkillers for the morning and a bucket just in case.  
Otabek himself had changed into a pair of sweatpants he’d forgotten at Yuri’s place before and along with his own shoes, he had finally taken that _Happy Birthday Makka_ \- Button off.

„You’re being very sweet to me right now.“ Yuri drunkenly smiled, watching how Otabek put their things away and tidied the room up a little.

„I wish I had a video of you saying that so I could show you once you’re sober again.“ Otabek chuckled.

„I’ll still think so tomorrow.“ Yuri said.

„Maybe but you won’t say it.“

Yuri’s smile dropped. „Yeah…still, this is nice.“

„Nice? Don’t you feel horrible? Your throat must hurt.“

„It does,“ Yuri said and put a hand on his neck. „But it’s nice that you’re looking after me. I feel like you really care about me.“

Otabek’s eyebrows furrowed together. „I do care about you. I always care about you. You know that, right?“ He came to sit on the edge of Yuri’s bed.

„What do silly kittens know?“ Yuri whispered, tears in his eyes.

Otabek looked concerned. „You should sleep Yuri, come I’ll help you.“ He scooted closer and leaned over him, reaching to unbutton Yuri’s jeans, who watched but didn’t push him away.  
When Otabek noticed him looking, he blushed slightly and explained himself. „You can’t sleep in these, they’re too tight.“

„Okay.“ Yuri said but didn’t help when Otabek started to wrestle his jeans off.

When they finally dropped to the floor, leaving Yuri only in his shirt and underwear, Yuri giggled humorlessly. „Look Beka, this time you got them off.“

Otabek froze and something like remorse flickered over his face.“Yuri…“

„Oh I forgot, we don’t speak about that.“ Yuri held his index finger to his lips. „Shhhh.“

„We definitely shouldn’t speak about it now. You’re drunk.“

„That’s your favorite excuse, isn’t it?“ Yuri tilted his head. „I was drunk then. I’m drunk now. Will you cum on my stomach again so I can wipe if off on my own or do you only do that when I’m actually just tipsy enough to still make rational decisions?“

Otabek flinched. „We can talk about this tomorrow, okay? I’m sorry that you’re upset but-„

„I heard you,“ Yuri sobbed, the tears he’d been trying to hold back finally breaking free. „I head when you and Mila were talking at the rink.“

Otabek paled. „Yura…“

„Do you know what hurts the most? That all my life, I have been struggling to be enough. Good enough to skate. Lovable enough for my parents to stay around. Talented enough to train under Yakov and Victor. Special enough for people not to leave me. Interesting enough to become your friend. And I’m trill struggling, to stay enough. So people and judges and fans don’t lose interest in me. To not be another prodigy or one hit wonder. I’m struggling to ever be enough and you’re telling me I’m _too much_?“ Yuri sobbed. „Why can’t I ever be _just right_?"

Otabek swallowed. „No, Yuri. You’re perfect. You’re-„

„Don’t say that unless you mean it. I’m too much, you said that yourself. You said that I’m too much and that you couldn’t deal with me.“

„You don’t understand that, let me explain.“

„No, you’re right, I don’t understand. Because Mila was right. There is no one that deals better with me than you do. We balance each other out. We understand each other without words. We clicked right away. I sometimes feel like I know you better than I know myself. I don’t want to be too much for you but don’t you see that you’re the one that can handle me the best? You’re the one that decided to take care of me tonight even tho you could’ve left me with Victor and Yuuri. You did that because you knew what I would need. You knew that I would want to go home and that you would be the only person I could bear to be around when feeling sick. You knew that you had to tie my hair up and you even had one of my hair ties in your own pocket. God Beka, when Mila teased me that there was something going on between us, I didn’t want to believe her because I was so scared of ruining his magical thing between us. But it was like she uncovered the truth and I was unable to pretend that I didn’t see then that she was right. I’m in love with you, Beka. Maybe I have been all along but was too scared to admit it to myself. And I was so confused and scared but the moment we kissed, I was just happy. I know you think that I was drunk but I wasn’t. At that point, I wanted to kiss you a million times already but I chickened out each time. When you told me that we made a mistake, I felt like my world was falling apart. And when I overheard you with Mila, my heart broke. I apologized to you because I wanted to save what was left of us but fuck, I’ve felt miserable ever since and so hurt and I don’t know what to do now. I just don’t know what to do.“ Yuri cried, his heart feeling raw and open.

Otabek looked like he wanted to cry too. „I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry, Yura.“ He slowly scooted closer, like he was approaching a wild animal. When Yuri didn’t flinch away, he wrapped his arms around his shaking friend and pulled him to his chest.

„Is this going to ruin our friendship?“ Yuri panted through his cries, desperately clinging to Otabek.

„No.“ Otabek said resolutely and meant it. „You’re not gonna lose me and I won’t let you push me away. I knew something was wrong and I didn’t do anything about it. I won’t let that happen again.“

„I don’t want to be in love with you,“ Yuri sobbed, soaking Otabek’s shirt while Otabek rubbed his back and kissed his hair. „You’re the biggest idiot I know. I don’t want to love you.“

Otabek’s heart was breaking but he knew that Yuri was too upset and drunk to talk this out the way they needed to talk. Otabek knew what he needed to say to stop Yuri from crying but he too, needed to calm down first.

„You’re my everything, Yura.“ Otabek mumbled into messy blonde hair. „We’re going to talk about this tomorrow, I promise. I promise we fix this.“

Drunk and exhausted from crying, Yuri fell asleep in Otabek’s arms once his tears dried out. Otabek pulled Yuri’s blanket over both of them and held Yuri close but it took a few hours before sleep found him as well. There was just too much to think about.

 

**..........**

 

When Yuri woke up, his head was pounding and he was unbearably hot. Opening his eyes was a task, they were burning and probably puffy. His throat was still hurting strongly too.  
It took him a few moments to remember what had happened last night and how he got back home but when he did, his heart dropped to his stomach.

He then became aware why he was feeling so hot too, not only was he buried under his duvet but also used as a little spoon by Otabek, the human radiator. Carefully peaking over his shoulder, he found Otabek still soundly asleep behind him.  
While Yuri’s heart and mind began to race, dread was settling in his stomach.

Last night Yuri had made a complete idiot out of himself and what was even worse, he’d told Otabek how he felt about him.

Yuri realized that he was in his own apartment but his first instinct still was to flee. He was about to jump out of bed and just run out the door in his underwear, when one strong arm tightened its grip around his middle.

„You’re not gonna leave me behind in your bed, Plisetsky.“ Otabek growled quietly. „We need to talk.“

„Let go, asshole. I need to pee.“

„Go on then but the front door is locked and I hid your keys. Neither of us is leaving this apartment before we talked.“

That son of a…Yuri jumped out of bed without so much as looking at Otabek and grabbed a bunch of clothes from his wardrobe. Then he made a show of not touching the water or painkillers Otabek had left on the nightstand for him and stormed to the bathroom, locking the door behind him.  
As soon as he was alone, Yuri turned the tap on and drank water until he felt like he needed to puke again. He almost cried in relief when he found some painkillers in his bathroom cabinet as well.

After brushing his teeth once more and peeing, Yuri took a long shower. Mostly to make Otabek wait for him but also so he could freak out in peace over what the hell he should say to him once he got out of the shower.  
Yuri had promised himself to get one his feelings for Otabek in order to save their friendship. Then a week later he got horribly drunk, scared some gays that thought themselves to be his unwanted parents and caused the biggest scene with Beka where he cried, insulted and accused him and finally told him that he was unbearably in love with him.

Yuri would have to apologize to Georgi for ever calling him dramatic. He clearly wasn’t one to talk.

Trying to waste time, Yuri slowly washed and conditioned his hair and carefully blow dried it once he was out of the shower. Unfortunately, he was still terrified of facing Otabek and the painkillers hadn’t worked yet.  
After getting dressed in a pair of leggings and a loose tank top, Yuri finally dragged himself out of the bathroom and was promptly met by Potya, who screamed at him to be fed.

He nearly had to puke again from the smell of cat food as he filled his bowl and while he washed his hands in the kitchen sink, Otabek walked past him and into the bathroom.

„I need to brush my teeth too. I’ll hurry.“

No need to, Yuri wanted to grumble but settled for making coffee instead.

When he’d filled two mugs, he took them back to his bedroom. If Otabek wanted to talk, they would have to talk with Yuri lying down because he was still dizzy and tired, feeling exhausted from standing up alone.  
Otabek took longer than expected and Yuri dozed off again, coffee untouched on his bedside table. He woke up again when the mattress dipped under someone's weight.  
Otabek must’ve showered, his hair was wet and he was only wearing a pair of sweatpants now. Yuri tried not to stare at his abs.

„I made you coffee.“ He growled, glaring at Otabek for no other reason than feeling vulnerable after last night.

Otabek seemed unimpressed as he reached for his mug. „Thanks.“

„Aren’t you committing some kind of crime by keeping me hostage in my own apartment?“ Yuri asked sourly, just to fill the silence.

„You can call the cops if you want.“ Otabek shrugged. „After we talked.“

„Fucking talk then.“ Yuri hissed, he would rather start yelling than crying again.

Otabek nodded and put his mug away. „I’m sorry, about everything Yuri. I’ve been acting like an idiot and I haven’t even noticed it half the time. I hurt you and I made you angry and I should’ve done none of it, I’m sorry.“

Yuri swallowed. „I’m sorry too. Especially for last night, I was being a brat.“

Otabek smiled shyly. „You’re kinda cute when you’re drunk.“

„When I puke and curse and cry?“

„No, when you cuddle and giggle and go soft.“

Yuri blushed, both from anger and embarrassment. „I’m going to kill you.“

„I wasn’t making fun of you. But usually when you’re drunk, I’m drunk too. I think I’ve just never seen you like this.“

„You’ve seen me cuddly and giggly and soft.“ Yuri said, eyes getting wet again. „I’m like that with you. No one else ever sees me like that.“

Otabek’s face became serious again. „I feel horrible for hurting you. It’s the worst thing I could do.“

Yuri blinked the tears away. „You didn’t mean to hurt me. I forgive you.“

„I just wished we would’ve talked. We should have talked right there at the party after Mila closed the door again. The entire truth.“

„What is the entire truth?“ Yuri asked, heart beating in his throat. „I think I told you most of mine last night but you said you wanted to talk in the morning.“

Otabek took a deep breath. „The truth is that that I’m crazy in love with you, have been for quite some time now.“

One angry tear slipped down Yuri’s nose. „And still…you don’t want to be with me? Because I’m too much?“

„You’re everything.“ Otabek said and took his hands. „Listen, I’ve been just as scared and confused as you but unfortunately, I’m not as smart or brave as you are. I thought we’d be better off as friends but that was before I knew how deeply you feel for me. Before I realized that we could _really_ be more. You’re my everything, Yuri.“

Yuri bit his trembling lip. „I thought you couldn’t handle me?“

„I realized that I didn’t need to tame the tiger, I just needed to earn his trust.“

Yuri laughed wetly, wiping his eyes. „You’re a cheesy idiot, you make me cringe.“ He lied.

„I’m in love with you.“ Otabek said. „And I hope you’ll forgive me.“

„There is nothing to forgive.“ Yuri said, shaking his head. „You’re my best friend.“ And then he leaned forward to kiss Otabek.

Otabek scooted closer and raised his hands to cup Yuri’s face as he kissed him, slowly but deeply. By the time they parted, they were both lying down again, wrapped around each other.

„Can I be your boyfriend too?“ Otabek asked, combing through Yuri’s hair. They were so close, the tips of their noses were almost touching.

„You can be my everything too.“ Yuri whispered and kissed Otabek again, planning on doing nothing else today. Well, maybe they would order takeout later but after that, they would kiss again. And again, and again…

 

**..........**

 

It was impossible to hear the ticking of the clock from where it hung high on the wall opposite of the rink and even if it was, Yuri still wouldn’t be able to notice it due to his own harsh panting, the scraping sounds of his blades against the ice and his hot blood rushing through his ears.  
And yet, he felt like the ticking of the clock was beginning to synchronize with the beating of his heart as anticipation spread through him, making him restless and excited.

He tried to stay focused, wanting to use every second he had left until break to give his best to Victor would have nothing to complain about. Which was an impossible proposition, the old man always found something to complain about.

But he wouldn’t be able to say a thing about this axel Yuri just landed, it had been perfectly timed. Yuri grinned to himself when Victor didn’t yell, simply because there was nothing to yell about.  
But there was applause and when Yuri skated to halt, sending shards of ice flying, there was Otabek standing on the other side of the rink wall, watching him.

Yuri wanted to yell at him for such a horribly sappy gesture but instead, he found himself smiling widely at his boyfriend. Uncaring if it was his break already or not, Yuri skated over to him as quickly as he could.

„You’re applauding for the competition?“ Yuri greeted him grinning, getting off the ice and putting is guards on.

„I thought the competition needed some confidence. They’re up against some pretty strong opponents after all.“ Otabek chuckled and pulled Yuri against him.

„Hmm,“ Yuri nodded, wrapping his arms around Otabek’s neck. „It’s a rigged system anyway. I heard the rivals are sleeping with each other now.“

„Unbelievable.“ Otabek murmured against Yuri’s lips before he kissed him, slipping his tongue into his mouth. Yuri kissed him back eagerly, having missed him ever since they had parted early this morning.  
  
Off season was officially over and it was hard having to stay away from each other and keeping their hands to themselves when they had been shamelessly spoiled in the off season, where they had indulged in each other and their love all day and night.  
  
„Oh Yurio, I was going to tell you that my dear Yuuri brought your loverboy along but it looks like you already found him.“ Victor gasped somewhere behind him, interrupting Yuri’s thoughts about want he wanted to do to Otabek the next time they found themselves behind a locked door.

While Yuri would’ve been rude enough to keep kissing Otabek in order to ignore his coach, his boyfriend, unfortunately, had better manners. He pecked Yuri a few more times on the lips, something that would’ve made Yuri giggle if it weren’t for Victor watching, then he let go of him.

With a roll of his eye that had Otabek playfully pinch his ass, Yuri turned around to address Victor. „Yeah I noticed already that _your dear Yuuri_ brought my loverboy along.“ Yuri mocked in that same sing-sang voice Victor always used. „And guess what? Unlike _your_ husband, _my_ boyfriend even brought me some coffee to the rink because he’s thoughtful like that. It’s a shame that _your dear Yuuri_ still hasn’t brought anything along what would make you shut the hell up though.“ Yuri's grin only grew wilder when Otabek pinched him again.  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So I hope you enjoyed this. If you did, please be so kind and leave me a comment and some kudos <3
> 
> This fic really was a nightmare, mostly because I tried for like 6 hours to get it up on this hellsite and also because I wasn't sure if this was a good enough gift. I wrote like 3 other fics, then came back to this. It was a mess. I think I will someday post those other fics here too though.  
> I love this fic regardless and had fun writing it (even if it got way too long again.) 
> 
> The song I named this after and used the lyrics for in the beginning is: hanging by a moment by lifehouse. It fits the Otabek and Yuri of this story perfectly.


End file.
